AHHHH!!!

Really? Did I really say all of those great things yesterday about staying home with my children? Because today I'm about to pull all of my hair out. Seriously.

This morning Katelund woke up with a low grade fever and she has had a cough for a couple of days now. So what would a hypochondriac like myself do in such a situation? Decide that she has the infamous swine flu of course. To top it all off, I couldn't find my phone anywhere. And I needed to find it so that I could tell the YW president that I wouldn't be at the presidency meeting and so that I could call the doctor so that I could rush her into their office and they could confirm my fears. I was frantically searching my house all morning long. Then I gave up and started switching out the winter/spring clothes for the summer clothes.

Six hours later.

I found my phone under my bed (I had searched everwhere for it!!!). My kitchen floor is covered in ramen noodles and wheat thins, Katelund and Cloey are CRAZY hyper, getting into all sorts of trouble, and there are winter clothes strung all over the house.
Katelund is apparently just fine. Whew. Unless the symptoms of the swine flu include craziness, destructiveness, and fake burping and farting with her sister all day long (what is she learning in school anyways?).

So now they are both in time out and I am blogging out my frustrations.

Oh, and to top it all out, Katelund's filling came out of her tooth. So now she has a big hole in her front teeth. Good thing we live in Tennessee.

[ETA.....One more thing I have to get out....can I just say how much I don't like stainless steel appliances, they are impossible to keep clean. Okay, now the real reason I am adding to my post....the girls have calmed down, the hole in her tooth is not really that bad, the destruction didn't take too long to clean up, and...I still absolutely LOVE being a mom. :) ]

thoughts on being a stay-at-home mom

Lately I have really been thinking about my role as a stay-at-home mom (or a SAHM according to Dr. Laura). In so many ways it is the most frustrating job ever. The beds you made will be undone and ready to be made again the next morning. The dishes that you just unloaded will be consuming the sink after the next meal. The floor that you just swept will be covered in spilled juice and goldfish in about 5 minutes. The clothes that you just folded and put away will be all over the room whenever a child decides to change clothes for the 10th time that day. The groceries that you just bought seemed to have disappeared and there is nothing to make for dinner. The lists are endless, consuming, and monotonous. Many times at the end of the day I wonder if I even accomplished anything worth while. Sometimes I even wonder what my life would've been like if I had chosen to actually use my degree and have a career. Life would be a lot different that's for sure. But would I really feel satisfied or fulfilled? I don't think I would.

As tedious as the every day chores may be, I have to remind myself that I am not just a stay-at-home mom, I am a mommy and I am a homemaker. I am trying to create a sanctuary for my family, a refuge from the storm. A place where my children feel safe and loved. A place where Cory wants to come home to every night. A place where the pressures, fears, and demands of the world seem to fade away when the front door closes. That is what I am trying to make each day as I make the bed, sweep the floor , and clean the toilet once again. It is not an easy job, but it is fulfilling and satisfying when I look at it the way it should be looked at. The way that our Heavenly Father looks at it. The way that my 5 year old daughter looks at it as she walks in the door from school and puts her little arms around my neck and tells me that she loves me. Or the way that my 4 year old looks at it as she cuddles up in my lap while I read her a book. Or the way that my husband looks at it as he walks in the door from a long day at work and sweeps me off of my feet and tells me how happy he is to be home. That is why it is the best job ever. A job that never ends and yet the one that I never want to end.

My heart melts {FOUR} you!

Yesterday, Cloey turned four. So in honor of her and the four years she has blessed our life, I decided to list four things about her that completely melt my heart.

1. She is completely enamored with her big sister. At about 9 am everyday (an hour after we drop Katelund off at school) she asks me, "Is it time to pick Katelund up at the bus stop?"

2. She tells me that she is in love with her Daddy. Cloey used to be a total mommy's girls, but lately the tables are turning. I'm pretty sure that I now have two Daddy's girls. I knew it would happen eventually. Cory has seriously got to be the best Daddy ever!! I always tell him that the little girls are lining up in heaven hoping and waiting to be his daughter. But, even though she is in love with her Daddy it still makes my heart completely melt onto the floor whenever she comes up to me and whispers in my ear that she loves me, or how she cries for me in the middle of the night when she has a bad dream. Deep down I'll always know where her true loyalties lie.
3. She is the most prissy girl you'll ever see (she is almost always wearing a dress or skirt with a bow in her hair), BUT she can also be the biggest tom boy you've ever seen. She can outlast both me and Katelund when it comes to pain. She would be perfectly happy playing with caterpillars all day long. She dreams of riding a motorcycle, and she can out eat any 4 year old out there, and she can be quite scrappy when she needs to be... but she still screams like a little girl when she sees a spider or "stinging bug" (she got that from her Dad).

4. I'm afraid that when I have another baby I am going to be completely out of a job. Cloey is one of the most motherly little girls I have ever seen!! In our last ward there was a little 18 month old girl that was completely infatuated with Cloey. In fact, whenever she would get in her carseat to go home she always had to have Cloey buckle her up. She would even cry out for Cloey in sacrament meetings. Cloey just has this thing for babies. She has a little stuffed animal tiger named "Roar" (very creative name, huh?). Roar is her baby. She dresses him in dresses and pajamas everyday. She even puts him down for naps. One time she left Roar at Grandma and Grandpa's house. This is the email that Grandpa wrote Cloey....

Dear Cloey,

I will wash Roar tonight and dry him off and even let him sleep on grandma's side of the bed tonight.

I will let him ride around in my car with me during the day so he can keep me company at work too!

Thank you for sharing Roar with me this week.

I will bring him with me when I bring your mommy home from the airport.

I love you and miss you so very much. I miss & love Katelund too, will you tell her that for me?

Love Grandpa

Happy Birthday Cloey!!! I love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

{some random thoughts}

My new favorite thing to eat is cocoa flavored almonds, from Sam's Club. So good. It is supposed to be keeping me away from chocolate, but I'm not sure if eating 30 a day is accomplishing much good.

I keep getting a dumb charlie horse-type cramp in my right foot. It is really annoying. I don't know if it is from running up all of the insane hills in my neighborhood, walking on wood floors all day in my bare feet, not eating enough bananas, or just getting the aches and pains that come with approaching 30.

I spent a total of about 2 1/2 hours mowing our lawn and pulling weeds the last two days. Today the dandelions have already emerged. Ahhhhh! Weeds are so annoying.

Cloey is turning four tomorrow. Talk about growing like a weed. It seems like just yesterday I was in labor for 72 hours, not progressing but in a lot of pain. I just don't know if I ever would've had any children if I'd lived in the days before patossin (sp?).

Yesterday Katelund didn't have school. So we went to a playgroup at the park in the morning and then a dollar movie in the afternoon. We had a lot of fun. The majority of Kate's new friends are boys. There must be something in the water here b/c her kindergarten and primary class are majority boys. In fact, in kindergarten there are only 7 girls out of 20. I'm really hoping there is something in the water I'll be drinking because I'm getting so baby hungry for a little boy. My year mark is almost up (the doctor said I had to wait a year to let my body recover).

My mom just bought an airline ticket to come and see us and our new house. I'm so excited!!!! She is also going to drive to Columbia, SC with me to go to Time Out for Women. I can hardly wait. It is also an extra incentive to get the rest of the boxes unpacked in the basement.


I'm sure most of you are familiar with this quote by Joseph Smith, but I heard it the other day on my podcast and it just gave me chills all over. I've been thinking about it ever since.
"...the standard of truth has been erected; No unhallowed hand can stop the work from progressing; persecutions may rage, mobs may combine, armies may assemble, calumny may defame, but the truth of God will go forth boldly, nobly, and independent, till it has penetrated every continent, visited every clime, swept every country, and sounded in every ear, till the purposes of God shall be accomplished, and the great Jehovah shall say the work is done."

How my girls run...

Katelund really wanted to go running as a family last night. So I told the girls to go get ready after dinner and then meet Cory and I outside in the driveway. Well, ten minutes later they came out all "ready to run". You know...with bows in their hair and matching shirts. How did I get such girly girls?
After running for about 30 seconds, Cloey has a typical Cloey moment when she said, "I'm done. My legs are hurting." After we all encouraged her on, she reluctantly kept going.
Katelund on the other hand, takes her running very seriously. She goes really fast and does not like it when we tell her to wait up for Cloey (because of course Cloey is running behind her yelling, "Wait for me Katelund, w-a-i-t for M-E".


These pics are just for fun. We were playing on our friend's trampoline the other day and Katelund discovered static electricity.

Transitioning

I feel like my life has slowed down from 100 mph to about 10 mph. As much as I love change and meeting new people, the transitioning phase is not my favorite. I spend my days dropping off and picking up Katelund from school, unpacking, making dinner, and unpacking some more. It is kinda getting old. I guess at least this week Cory will actually be here (he was out of town almost all of last week). I know that moving here was the right thing for our family, but it is still hard to move into a place where I can't just go next door and talk for hours on end with my neighbor, call my friend up and see if she just wants to hang out, or go to church and feel so much love for everyone there because of all of the wonderful experieces that I have shared with them.

It's just not like that...yet. I know that it will come with time. But, patience is just not one of my strengths. I am trying really hard to reach out to those around me and start the whole friendship building process again, but it just isn't happening as quickly as I wish it would. Cory keeps telling me to just give it time. I know and I will, but in the meantime, AHHHH...transitioning is just not fun.

never-ending Easter egg hunts

Since Katelund hasn't officially started at her new school yet (she is really on Spring Break this week), her and Cloey having been spending their time playing in empty boxes and Easter egg hunting. We did about 6 different hunts on Sunday (switching back and forth with the girls hiding them from Cory and I and then me and Cory hiding them from the girls). The girls played by themselves yesterday and then we did it again as a family for part of Family Home Evening last night. Then this morning....they are at it again. Who'd have thought that 25 empty Easter eggs would entertain my children for so long. Sweet.

By the way, these pictures show how my children dress themselves. Cloey is always wearing something that doesn't match...as long as it includes a skirt, she is good. Katelund has been doing her own hair lately (she thinks that one side ponytail is the coolest look ever...I promise I don't do her hair or my hair like that). I figure that while they are just at home that they can wear whatever they want (they have been averaging about 20 outfits/day...that is NOT an exaggeration....okay maybe they did get that one from me....but only when I have what Cory calls a "clothes crisis". Does anyone else have those? I seem to get them a lot on Sunday mornings. I will leave for church with about 10 different outfits on my bed that I changed in and out of. Pathetic, I know.

An Easter to Remember...

Back in the fall, I had a really good friend give me a gift to remember Clairisa...tulip bulbs. As she gave them to me she told me to look for the symbolism in them (something that I seem to do quite often with anything and everything) Anyways, she came over and helped me to plant them. As we planted them we talked about the amazing symbolism that is found in my favorite flower. The symbolism of resurrection. You have to bury the bulbs in the fall and then they lay dormant under the ground for the cold winter season. In the spring, the bud begins to form and rise.

When spring finally arrived this year, my neighbor's tullips began to rise and mine did not. I was so upset. I was afraid that they weren't going to rise at all. For whatever reason, it was really important to me that these tulips rose. My friend, my neighbor, and I all began to pray. The morning that I discovered they had finally broke through the earth, I cried. I cried for joy because I knew that God had heard my prayers once again. I cried for the peace that washed over me as the spirit bore witness to me that just as these tulips rose, so would my sweet baby girl. Everyday as I looked out my window and each time I walked outside, I took a moment to say a silent prayer of gratitude for the matchless gift of Jesus Christ and the divine gift he gave to us in breaking the bonds of death. The tulips were breathtaking. They were the most beautiful flowers I have ever seen in my life. Not only because they were huge and perfect, but also because they bore witness to me that all of the earth and everything on the earth testifies of Jesus Christ and his atoning sacrifice.

On Friday, I had to leave my tulips. I had to leave the resting spot of my little baby girl and drive away. It was incredibly hard. I cut off about half a dozen tulips and we took them to Clairisa's grave. As I drove away with tears running down my cheeks, I once again was reminded of the reason for Easter. The reason that I get up each and every day with a brightness of hope and reassuring faith in knowing that this life is but a small grain of sand amongst the beach of eternity.

I know that my Redeemer lives. I know that because He lives, we can all become alive in Christ and recieve the greatest gift of all.

Happy Easter....for truly the message of Easter should bring the greatest joy known to man.

Thank you Mr. Notary

I had to get a paper notarized today. As I was driving, I saw a sign outside of a little office building that said, "Notary inside". I went inside and asked the man behind the desk if I could get something notarized. He told me he could do that. After we got it all done, I asked him how much I owed. He told me that it was no big deal and to not worry about it. I told him that I'd really like to pay him ( I know that with the economy the way that it is these days that his small business was probably suffering just like every other one). He told me that they didn't take debit cards but if I had three bucks that I could pay him if I really wanted to. I did not have any cash on me. He told me to not worry about it but that if someday I have it and pass by then I could pay him then.

Well since I am leaving Asheville in like 4 days, I knew that I needed to go pull some cash out of the bank. I went to the bank and a couple of other places then I drove back by on my way home. I ran inside really quickly and as soon as he saw me and my three dollars he said to me, "No, no... I really didn't expect you to ever pay me...please don't." I told him that I really wanted to pay him in order to thank him for his kindness. But then he looked at me so sincerely and said, "Can't a guy just do a nice thing for you?" I seriously wasn't going to take back that money for the life of me but the way that he looked at me and asked me that question, I just knew that it would mean way more to him if I would'nt pay him then if I did. So I thanked him and left.

He really made an impact on me. After listening to conference this last weekend, this man just reaffirmed to me what being a Christian is all about. It is showing kindness, service and selflessness to everyone around you. It means to stand as a witness of Christ at all times, in all things, and in all places. I am so grateful for the good people around me who teach me through their examples how to be more like Christ. Thank you Mr. Notary. Your act of kindness will be one that I will never forget. Although it was only $3, it was a pricelss act of charity from a man with a pure and selfless heart.

Lessons Learned...

These are some of my favorite people. I will miss these girls terribly!!! (don't worry...the pregnant one in the front is one of my awesome counselors...not a YW). There are a couple of girls missing, but these are the young women and leaders that I have learned so much from. Each one of them have taught me something remarkable....

Catherine...how to love life.
Olivia...how to be non-judgemental.
Amanda...how to believe in other people.
Grace...how to work hard for what you want.
Bristina...how to overcome.
Ashley...how to love family.
Amy...how to be a leader.
Megan...how to unify.
So Yeon...how to be kind.
Savannah...how to reach for the stars.
Rachel...how to find humor in anything.
Mary...how to pray from my heart.
Kristin...how to lead with love.
Amelia...how to serve willingly.
Sandy...how to face my fears.

I think that if I had to choose one thing that I learned more than anything else in my calling it would be how much Heavenly Father hears and answers prayers. As I received inspiration and direction over and over again, I realized how incredible the gospel is. I was given the opportunity to not only be humbled as my weaknesses left me feeling handicapped and inadequate, but also to be given the strength and courage that I needed as I received divine assistance and direction...even in the very moment.