Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Missing My Therapy Sessions

Blogging is therapy for me and lately I have been horrible about it, so I think I really need to dig back in because over the last week or so I have had tons of thoughts swirling around my mind. Thoughts and feelings that I need to get out so that I can release them, deal with them, and for some, even celebrate in them. But first, I must start with the horrible feeling that I had in the pit of my stomach for the majority of the day yesterday. On Monday night, someone broke into our Expedition. They broke the window (which will now cost us $500 to replace...and yes that is our deductible...ugh!)and stole Cory's new sound system that he just had installed about two months ago. But, the worst part is that they stole the new camera Cory got me for Christmas, which had all of Cloey's baptism pictures on it. I cannot even tell you how heart broken I am about that. Cory called the police and they did a DNA test on the blood that was on the front seat from breaking the glass, but more than likely, we will probably never know who did it. About two years ago, my sister's house was broken into. I remember afterwards her telling me how invaded she felt and how hard it was for their family. I now understand to a small degree what that feels like. Our Expedition was parked out in our driveway AND the worst part was that our garage door opener was in there. What if they'd come into our home?! It is a horrible thought and I'm so so so grateful it didn't happen, but it is still really scary to think about. Yesterday, when I went grocery shopping, I found myself looking around at people in the store wondering if they were the type of person who would do something so horrible. I hate the fact that I was even having those thoughts. I hate how the longer I live, the more skeptical I feel that I have to be of those around me. I hate looking at others through a lens of doubt, fear, and judgement. When the girls got home from school, I explained to them what had happened. Cloey just cried. I debated about whether I had made the right choice by telling them. But, then I realized I had as she said, "well maybe it was a good thing. As the robber looks at the pictures from my baptizm, maybe he'll realize that he wants his little girl to be baptized as well." I didn't tell her that I seriously doubted he would look at the pictures, in fact, I'm sure he threw the memory card away first thing. Instead, I just let her humble childlike love and forgiveness heal my skeptical angry heart. Later that evening, Katelund, Cloey, and I decided to pray for that man. We prayed that he would come to know how wrong it was to steal. We prayed that at some point and in some way that he would seek and find forgiveness through Jesus Christ and that he would change his life. After our prayer, Cloey once again spoke the words of an angel as she said, "maybe he just really needed to sell our stuff to get (I inserted the word "drugs" here in my mind) money for his family." Maybe she's right, or maybe I was right, but really it doesn't matter. Through this experience I was able to remember that we have a choice in everything. We can choose to let bad things harden our hearts and skew our vision of the world, or we can choose to see the good, even when it may be hard to. We can choose to see the good, or believe in the good within people, even when all we see with our human eyes is the bad. The choice is and always will be ours to make. I choose to see the good, especially the good within the little angels that live in my home. How is it that out of the mouth of such inexperienced babes, come words that can not only heal a heart but also make everything in the world right once again. Every prayer that we have prayed ever since then, Katelund and Cloey have both prayed for this man. Then when the girls overheard me talking about the window costing $500 to fix, they told me that we didn't have to worry about $26 of it because together they could use all their money to cover that much. :) I once heard that your children will teach you much more than you ever learned from your parents. It is hard to believe this because my parents taught me so much, and still continue to. But, somehow children have the capacity to break through the hardened walls that build up through our time on earth. They remind us what is important, how to forgive, how to be selfless, and most importantly, they teach us how to love.

Blog Archive