I have really hesitated with posting this picture. At first, I didn't want to share any pictures of Clairisa with anybody outside of my family, but as the weeks have past I have felt a need to share her with others. Not just others, but with each of you. Those of you who have read my blog and through your comments have brought me strength and courage to move forward. Those who through your words have brought me hope, faith, and love. To all of you... I cannot thank you enough.
Clairisa has changed my life in an incredible way. She has brought me perspective, gratitude, empathy and more determination to stand for the right. Through her short little life, I have seen the world in a different way. I hope that by showing this picture, I am not crossing over a line because I know that it was just her body, but in this moment I truly can say that I felt her spirit. I felt as if she was right there next to me. I long for this moment. In fact somedays I long for this moment so badly that I pull her blanket out of her memory box and just hold it on my chest and cry as I try to recreate this very moment in my mind and heart. If only I could express to you what I was feeling in this picture. It was a moment that I didn't want to ever end, a moment that still brings tears and heartache to me, and yet it also fills me with peace and joy. It was in this very moment that I was not only able to feel her but I was also able to feel Heavenly Father's love for her and for my family. I laid there with her on my chest for about an hour. It was the longest and shortest hour of my entire life. It was an hour that I knew would never ever be repeated in this lifetime, except in my mind. I would give almost anything to have that hour back, but at the same time, I would never want to experience the pain and agony that came when I had to place her in a box and let the nurse take her away.
Today my heart is aching to feel what I felt in this picture. To feel her. To feel in my heart that this would not be the last time I'd ever hold her. To know without any question that she was truly an angel sent to heal and bring a little piece of heaven to earth, even if only for a short while. To know that this earth life is just like a moment in time, a moment that will determine the rest of eternity.
23 comments:
she is simply beautiful. what a lovely picture of you two. i'm glad that you felt comfortable enough to share something so private and intimate with your dearest friends. i love you and your family so very much.
She has touched and changed all of us.
Love you.
That is such a precious picture. Thank you for sharing.
You can see just how beautiful and perfect and sweet she is. I know that you and Clairisa has changed me and how I view things now and to cherish my life a little more each day. Thank you for your strength, thoughts, and feelings.
Oh Melissa- thank you for sharing that precious moment.
Melissa, Thank you for sharing such a sweet and tender photo.
What a precious time you had with your angel baby!
I have been strengthened by your example of love and faithfulness. You are an amazing woman! You have such a gift for writing and expressing your feelings!
i agree with sister smith! i can never seem to express myself correctly or eloquently and you have such an amazing talent for you. every post you write i feel like i am right there with you living every moment. so i thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing such personal things will us all.
Oh my friend, she is absolutely beautiful. I just read through the past few months on your blog. Melissa, I am so, so sorry. My heart and prayers go out to you and Cory and your girls. Thank you for sharing a picture of your precious girl. I am glad that I got to see her. I am also so glad that you have such a wonderful family and friends who have been there to love you and take care of you and your family. I hope you will let me join them by sending my love to you as well.
My heart is aching for you Melissa. Clairisa is beautiful and absolutely perfect. I know she has touched many lives, mine included. It still hurts that you can't hold your sweet baby girl right now. I think of you all the time. Love you!
Melissa,
She is so beautiful. What a perfect little angel. You are such an incredible person and I'm so glad to know you. Thank you for sharing Clairisa with us. A day has not gone by that I haven't thought of you.
Love you!!
Leslie
You are such a sweetheart, and a woman of incredible faith & strength. Thank you so much for sharing that sweet and tender picture of you and your angel. It is such a neat blessing to be sealed for all eternity to our families. I am positive that Clairisa in spirit is with your family often & protecting her older sisters. I can't completely understand the heartache you are going through... I can only imagine, but I admire you so much! If a perfect child is sent to earth to gain a body... what an amazing & strong spirit & strength the mother (you) must have to carry a child so perfect, and only for a short time. What a blessing you must be to our Heavenly Father. He knew it would be difficult for you, but he knew you could do it! You were chosen to act as an instrument for one of his purest children- Clairisa... I admire you more than you know... for your strength, determination, faith, hope, & love. I love you so much!
Melissa,
Thank you so much for sharing your precious daughter with all of us. You are truly amazing. I admire your strengh, your courage, and your amazing ability to write such moving words. No one can ever know what you and your family have gone through, but please know you have so many people who love you.
Melissa,
Through words and picture you have allowed me to re-live that moment as well, and the sweetness of it all over-rides the pain. So, I like you, would feel it over and over again just to be allowed to remember. I thnk the words that sunk deep into my heart were your closing remarks, "though only a moment, a moment that determines eternity. I can see even clearer the need to choose each moment wisely.
I love you Mom
So sweet. I love that picture and the emotion that it brings. It's experiences like this one that help me to understand why they say one of the most important words in the Book of Mormon is "remember". I love you!
Melissa, I can feel so connected with you and your grief and growth through this post. Clairisa is the most beautiful child I've ever seen. I am so happy that you could have that time with her and the memory of it. Keep healing and loving, and remember how much you are loved.
Melissa, Thank you so much for sharing such a personal moment in that beautiful picture. That picture along with your tender words shares so much of your heart and soul. We love all of you so much, you are always in our thoughts and prayers
What a sweet little daughter of God.What a wonderful reunion you both will one day have.I am so grateful for the knowledge of the gospel. I love you.
Deana
Thank you for sharing your Clarissa with us. She is so beautiful. Your face tells so much. May you continue to have sweet memories of your precious angel.
What a sweet, sweet photo! Thanks!!!
Clairisa is so precious. This moment looks so ethereal. Thank you for sharing this experience that is so close to your heart. I draw such strength from you and your faith.
Melissa, It has been a long time but I saw your mother recently and heard what had happened. My heart bled for you and my thoughts and prayers are with you. But as I read your entry and see the precious picture that you posted I feel your strength and I know the Lord is with you and your family(which is beautiful). Thank you so much for sharing your personal experience, thank you. Your words have truly touched me tonight. God bless you, with love, Deborah
Hi Melissa,
I'm not sure that you know me, but I know Leslie and Destinee. My family and I used to live in Asheville a couple years ago -living there for 3 years before we moved away. Anyways...
I just wanted to say first that; I can't imagine having to go thru what you and your family experienced with loosing your precious daughter (& sister to your other girls). As I was reading your posts on this, I was deeply touched by what you said. And I love the knowledge (sp?) that we have in the gospel of- Families Can Be Together Forever. It gives me great comfort too, to know that my family will be together again after our lives are over in this life on earth.
My heart (and prayer) goes out to you and your family. May Heavenly Father bless you all, and thank you for sharing this beautiful moment for others to read about.
Sincerely,
-Carmen B.
I am a friend of Vaughn and Amber's. My heart aches for you. That picture is absolutely beautiful, perfect and priceless. I'll keep you and your family in my prayers.
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