Dreading and Anxiously Awaiting Saturday...

I have spent the last couple of days taking care of three amazing children ( ages 15, 12, and 9) while their mom has been out of town. Last week was exactly one year since they lost their dad. Their mom was finishing up her nursing degree and so over the last year she has not only been grieving her husband but she has also had to finish school and become the sole provider. Being a new nurse, she has had to work some pretty crazy shifts. Her kids have basically had to grow up pretty quickly. They are some of the most responsible children that I know. They literally take care of themselves, but that is not what makes them so amazing to me. They are so steadfast in their standards and they have such pure hearts. They also care and love one another in the most tender way. I have never seen a brother and sister be such good friends, especially at the ages of 12 and 15. It has been such an honor and privilege to be in their home and feel of their spirits, especially this week of all weeks.

As the days get closer to Saturday, I feel myself getting more and more anxious for the week to be over. This Saturday, October 4th, was the date that Clairisa was going to be delivered if she had not already come. She has been on my mind constantly this last week and it has been really hard to focus on anything else. It is amazing how Cloey is so in tune with my feelings and emotions. I haven't talked to her or in front of her about how hard the last week has been for me, but I can tell that she just knows. Today in the car she said to me, "Mommy I wish I could pray for Clairisa to come back to us." It took everything in me to not just fall apart because she said exactly what I have been feeling. I feel like I have come so far in the last two months, but during this last week time has slowed and my thoughts have been consumed with the words, "what if..." and "if only". I know that Clairisa's life was in God's hands and that He has a specific plan and purpose for her, but this week all I want to do is cry. I've just got to make it through the rest of the week. Although Saturday will be an incredibly hard day, it will also be a wonderful day because I will be able to listen to the Lord's prophets and apostles and I know that through their words, the Lord's Spirit will somehow heal and comfort my empty arms and bleeding heart.