It has been one month since I heard Clairisa's heartbeat for the very last time.
It has been one month since I felt her little legs kick me as the monitors were put in place.
It has been one month since she woke me up with hiccups.
It has been one month since I was put under not knowing if my life would end, or even worse, if Clairisa's life would end.
It has been one month since my entire world was turned upside down.
It has been one month since I prayed more fervently than I ever have in my life.
It has been one month since I heard the worse news of my life.
It has been one month since I cried in Cory's arms with more agony than I ever thought was possible.
It has been one month since our entire family has been together.
It has been one month since I held my angel.
It has been one month since my heart was ripped out of my chest when I had to say goodbye (for now at least).
One month...
One month closer to being together again.
9 comments:
I want to comment, but don't really know what to say. I am glad you are still here, still alive, still mothering and wifing. Despite how you feel now, that is an amazing blessing!
I can't even imagine the pain & agony you must feel.. the kind that doesn't easily go away, but I too, am soooo grateful that you are still here. You have so much left to do, & so many lives to touch... especially for your girls & Cory! I love you!
Melissa,
So many miracles for one little angel to help bring to pass; yet in a month.
Love Mom
Ya, we work in the same building on the same floor! It's great! Classes start on Tuesday.
You are so strong to endure all that you have in the last month. I marvel at your strength and righteousness that Heavenly Father entrusted you to to be pregnant with and give birth to a spirit that is so precious and perfect as Clairisa is.My thoughts are with you daily.
Oh, the differences one month can make. It seems so long ago yet just like it was yesterday. One month ago you parted with your sweet baby and were given an angel...
My heart still aches for you. I love you!
keep those memories close to your heart. You are so amazing Melissa. Do you realize how many lives you touch everyday? Your angel will always be near. Just listen for the spirit.
Melissa, I love you. I cried as I read this....I wish I could be there to hug you with all my might.
Hi Melissa,
You don't know me, but I feel like I know you. I am a friend of Rebecca and cousin to Carmen (she left a comment recently...). I live in the Fayetteville stake and know your in-laws. I have been reading your blog for about 9 months. I haven't ever left a comment on someone's blog that I don't know, so I hestitated about leaving a comment since you don't know me.
However, I have just loved reading your blog. I was overcome with sadness about the the loss of your little girl. You've been so strong and so faithful. I appreciate that you've been so open with your grief.
I've tried to understand lately why we have to endure such difficult trials. There were two things that have really given me perspective, and I'd like to share them with you. One of them was a recent CES Fireside given by Jeffrey R. Holland called "Lessons learned from Liberty Jail". If you haven't heard it, please listen to it. It really brought so much comfort and I hope that it would do the same for you.
http://speeches.byu.edu/?act=viewitem&id=1798
The other thing was this quote:
"No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God . . . and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire and which will make us more like our Father and Mother in heaven"
--Orson F. Whitney, in Kimball, Faith Precedes the Miracle, 98
I pray that you will be comforted and have peace in your life. You are such a good example of righteousness.
My email is atbyu@hotmail.com, and I'd love to get to know you more. I would like to send you an invitation to our family's blog so you can get to know me.
Take care! :)
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