Enduring Well

In my last post, there was a comment by my cousin Jenna that really made me think. She used the phrase "enduring well". I have really been thinking about that this morning. What does it mean to endure the death of my baby well? I feel like I am enduring. I'm reading my scriptures, saying my prayers, taking care of my children, loving my husband, grocery shopping, fixing dinners, doing my church calling, etc... but to me those things are just part of enduring. I think that the ability, or blessing, of being able to endure well comes from the Savior and his ability to comfort, sustain, strengthen, and deliver us.

My sister gave me a book when she was out here that is called Making Sense of Suffering by Wayne R. Brickey. It is such an incredible book! One of the chapters is called "He Delivers". He talks about how throughout the scriptures we are taught over and over how the Lord delivers His people. He says,

"Yes, deliverance implies that we will have trouble. But the promise remains that we will be "supported under trials and troubles of every kind, yea, and in all manner of afflictions" to the degree that we put our trust in God. To be supported means that God will add his power to ours.
In trials--when we are tested for faithfulness- he will protect us from our weaknesses. In troubles--when things are breaking down, falling apart, and going out of control- he will calm us. In afflictions--when we suffer acute pain of mind or body-he will bless us by removing the pain or giving us power to endure it."

I have felt that power many times throughout the last month. Monday was my first day on my own, without my mom here to help me. I turned on my "church music" (that is what Cloey calls it), and I was folding some clothes. As I was thinking about Clairisa and feeling so empty and lonely inside, my thoughts were all of the sudden changed, and for a moment I felt as if I was able to look at this trial through heavenly eyes. For the first time since her death, I was able to feel joy--the joy that comes from knowing that I helped fulfill her purpose of giving her a body and that she is back home. I felt so grateful for the fact that she will not have to experience the troubles and pains that are associated with mortality. She will never have to suffer. My whole purpose as a mother is to raise and train my children in the gospel and to help them "remember" who they are, to know they're divine nature, and to help them discover their purpose here on earth. Clairisa already knows and for that I can not only find joy but I can "endure well" the sorrow and pain that comes from missing her.