It has begun...

The nausea, gagging, and throwing-up is in full force. Yesterday it lasted all day long. I'm hoping for a better day today, but so far it's been pretty rough. This morning I was determined to go on my morning walk (I didn't go yesterday because I was feeling so horrible). So I walked with my I Pod in one hand and a bag of pretzels in the other. I don't know if I burned any more calories than I consumed, but at least it felt good to get out and exercise.

As I was leaning over my toilet bowl yesterday trying to keep down the handful of cherries that I had just consumed, I had a moment of laughter as I recalled all of the memories of past first/second trimesters of pregnancy.

While I was pregnant with Katelund, I was in the middle of one of my most intense semesters at BYU-Idaho. I was in the middle of methods (a semester filled with teaching full time, creating an insane amount of lesson plans, and taking 12 credit hours to top it all off). I would drive down with a group of girls everyday to Idaho Falls in order to teach/observe in the third grade. Stopping on the side of the snowy road in order for me to throw-up became a part of our daily routine as we traveled to and from I.F. and Rexburg. I was also teaching water aerobics at the college. There were many times where I would have to jump out of the pool and run to the bathroom. The life guard freaked out the first time it happened, but once I explained to him that it was either me running on the side of the pool or him cleaning up throw up, he backed down.

After that experience, I swore that I was not going to get pregnant again until after my student teaching. We moved back to Texas and about one week into the semester, I found out that I was pregnant. My student teaching was quite the experience. It was almost a daily occurence for me to stop mid sentence and run out of the classroom to find the toilet bowl. Everything would trigger my gagging reflex. The smell of the Kindergartners after they came in from recess, picking the kids up from the cafeteria, and cleaning myself up after 3 kids threw-up on me (I actually just gagged from even thinking about that one).

When I was pregnant with Clairisa, I was so thankful to be in my own home and sitting in front of my own toilet bowl. It was definitely not easy being sick and taking care of my 2 and 3 year old daughters, but I had an AMAZING neighbor/friend who helped out a TON!!!

This time is not all that different. I still gag everytime I open the kitchen cupboard or fridge, whenever I kiss Cory (sorry honey), or everytime that I even think about brushing my teeth. But, even though those things are all the same, it is still very different. My perspective is different. Although I may physically feel miserable, on the inside I couldn't be more happy. It is all worth it and it could always be so much worse. I just feel so blessed and thankful. I am pregant with my 4th child. I have two healthy beautiful little girls, and I am married to a man whom I have completely fallen in love with all over again this last year. Life is good, even if the next few months are spent by my toilet bowl. :)

So I don't forget.

I just have to record this conversation so that I will never forget it.

The other day I took the girls to the park. Katelund was swinging on the swing, which she can finally do by herself, [Oh blessed day!!! Learning how to pump on the swing has to be one of the best mile markers ever.] and Cloey was running around playing on the playground. Cloey decided to take her shoes off and go running into the grass. She just happened to step right on top of a bumblebee. The bee stung her. She started screaming like crazy! I ran over to her, picked her up, and tried to calm her down as I grabbed everything and told Katelund to follow me to the van. Katelund came running up behind me as I was still trying to comfort Cloey and said the following...

"Mommy, I wish that the bee would have stung me so that Cloey wouldn't be hurting right now."

I have really been thinking about what Katelund said ever since it happened. In that moment, I believe that she demonstrated the purest kind of love. The kind of love that the Savior had for all of us, enough to suffer that we may not suffer. In the Book of Mormon, Abinidai said, "but there is a resurrection, therefore the grave hath no victory and the sting of death is swallowed up in Christ". The sting of every pain, sorrow, and sin is swallowed up in Christ. How thankful I am today that He loved me enough to take away the sting out of the experiences in my life that have brought me pain and sorrow. He has overcome them all, so that I wouldn't be left hurting. I stand all amazed, today and everyday, for the love Jesus offers me. The pure love of Christ that can heal every wound and take the sting out of any pain.

This is for Austyn...

In my last post, my good friend Austyn (who I miss terribly!!!) requested a picture of me. I just don't get a whole lot of pictures of me because I am usually the one behind the camera. So I decided to post my most recent picture, which was taken two Sundays ago. I had put the girls' hair in rollers overnight and so after church Cloey wanted to put my hair in rollers.

Father's Day, Girls Camp, and Pregnancy

We had a great Father's Day. We spent the day spoiling and pampering Cory. He got his favorite dessert, a gourmet dinner (I wish...I tried hard at least), his favorite breakfast, a long nap, a spa pedicure, and a game of Spinners. It was a great day. Life is dull when Cory is not home. All of us girls are totally smitten by him. I feel so blessed to have three incredible fathers in my life, my own dad, Cory's dad, and Cory. They are the most honorable men that I know and my greatest heroes.

Katelund's latest hair do.

Yesterday morning I found Katelund blow drying Cloey's hair. She is all about helping me out these days. If I lift anything or do anything that she doesn't think I should be doing, she lets me know. She'll say, "Mommy, the b-a-b-y" (you have to say it in a sing song voice).

Katelund made up a new Spinner rule yesterday. She said that anytime we laid down a tile with a spinner on it, then we had to say something we loved about our Daddy. It was a really cute idea. On one of the last days of school, Katelund had to bring her favorite game...which is this one...she was so disappointed that none of the other kids wanted to play it. :) It's a family favorite. Although Cloey didn't play with us yesterday because she was too busy talking on her phone to Snow White.

Girls camp was SO MUCH FUN!!! I really got to know the girls and we made some great memories. I don't know how I always luck out and get in the ward with the cutest and best girls in the stake, but I do! I wish I would've taken some pictures of some of the fun things we did together as a ward. I felt like I was a Young Women again. Good times, good times.

The pregnancy is going great!!!! I feel like I am a walking zombie because of how tired I am, but I am the most excited zombie ever. I swear I introduce myself to people as "Hi, my name is Melissa and I'm pregnant". I just feel so blessed to be carrying around another little angel. I am trying so hard to not be scared and paranoid. Every little ache, pain, or cramp sends me into hysterics and I really wish I would stop having such horrible nightmares of losing my baby again. I spend my nights in fear and my days on my knees in prayer and daydreaming about that blessed day when I will hold my very alive baby in my arms. What a day that will be! In the mean time, I'm just trying to put my faith and trust in the Lord. Thank you for all of your sweet comments of encouragement and congratulations. They meant so much to me!!!

I can't hold it in any longer...

I'M PREGNANT!!! Ahh, it feels so good to say that! I am 1 month along and I am so excited I can hardly stand it!!!

Miracles

In sunday school this last week, we talked about miracles that take place around us today. Some people in the class shared some pretty amazing miracles, such as missionary work and temples dotting the earth. In my own life, I have seen many miracles happen. Some of them are too sacred or personal to talk about it, some of them have been shared and experienced within my circle of family and friends, and others are still happening. Yet, of all of the miracles that I have witnessed, I'd have to say that the greatest ones that I have seen have taken place within my own heart and within the hearts of others. The miracle of change. The miracle that takes place when someone turns to Christ and their entire nature is changed.

I have seen people who have completely turned their hearts to the Lord and who have gradually changed and become refined in the process. I have seen a modern day Alma the Younger experience. I have seen wounds that were so deep and painful begin the healing process. I have seen forgivenss take place in situations that seemed to be unforgivable. Just recently in our ward, I witnessed a couple who completely changed their life, got married, and entered the waters of baptism. As they were being confirmed the next day and receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost, I just sat and cried because I knew that I had once again experienced a miracle, a life changed forever because of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

There are some who think that miracles have ceased. I know they have not. They are all around us. To me, they testify of Christ and the atonement. They show me that the tender mercies of the Lord are everywhere and anywhere, if we but only look for them, and if we allow them to, they can happen within our very own hearts.

Randomness

This weekend Cory and I had so much fun playing in our stake softball tournament. I actually hit the ball everytime I got up to bat. Cory said to me on the way home, "Wow honey, you actually played really well." Thanks honey. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not. Apparently he had forgotten that I used to play fast pitch softball (so what if I was 10 and never won a game).

Yesterday was Amber's (my sister-in-law) birthday. Today is my mom's birthday and my younger sister, Katie's birthday. Tomorrow is my older sister, Andrea's birthday and this weekend is Father's Day. As a little girl I used to hate this week of the year because everyone was celebrated but me. I'm sure I made their birthday's miserable as I would pout around the house. One year my Grandma sent me a present (some white sandals) so that I would not feel so bad. It made Andrea so mad.

I hope they all have a wonderful birthday! I love each one of them with all my heart!!

So I have really been into geneology lately. I caught the bug and I'm loving it. I'm especially loving all of the attention I'm getting from my Dad. :) I think that's the best part.

This week I'm going to girls camp! I'm way excited! In this ward they camp in cabins, so that makes me even more excited to go!

I am about to finish book 4 of a really great series. The first book is called The Covenant. The author is Beverly Lewis. It is all about an amish family and community. SO GOOD!!! I strongly recommed it!

Today is my cleaning day...which is why I am still writing on my blog. I hate getting started, that is always the hardest part for me. I guess I'll just have to blare my music and make myself do it.

"Mene Mom"

Everday I require Katelund and Cloey to spend some time in the afternoon having "study" time, where they have to quietly read to themselves, write, or draw (if Katelund draws she has to write about her drawing as well). I do this not only because it is good for them and educational, but mostly because it helps me keep my sanity (if I have any left). Anyways, yesterday Katelund was not happy about having to do this yet again, but I persisted and so she finally gave in, stormed off down the hall, and slammed the door. She went to her bedroom and wrote me the following letter....

Mene Mom.

You betr be nise to me. I hop you fil bad.

Katelund.

Feeling very proud of herself for expressing her feelings so perfectly, she brought it to me and then stormed off once again. It took everything in me to not burst out laughing. I debated in my mind about how I should respond. I finally decided to just write her a letter back. This is what I wrote....

Dear Katelund,
I am sorry you are sad. I love you so much!
Love,
Mom

I took it to her and then left her to read it. A couple of minutes later she returned to the room with another letter and a little smile. This is what she wrote...

I am sorry thte I said thte. {thte=that}

She had done exactly what I wanted her to...spend time reading and writing. But that isn't what touched me the most. It never ceases to amaze me how children can let things go so easily and so quickly. What happens when we get older? Why is it that we have to work so hard for the humility, submissiveness, and unconditional love that came so naturally as a child? The other day at dinner Katelund said that she couldn't wait until she was older so that she could know everything like Mommy and Daddy do. I just laughed. I think the older I get the more I realize how little I really know, especially after becoming a mom. I think that most often, it is my children that are teaching me.

My favorite quote EVER!

Believe it or not, my favorite quote ever is actually not from Elder Maxwell or Elder Bednar (their talks are my favorites), it is from President Benson. It came to my mind this morning as I was reading a friend's blog, so I thought I'd share it.

"The Lord works from the inside out, the world works from the outside in. The world would take people out of the slums, Christ takes the slums out of people and then they take themselves out fo the slums. The world would mold men by changing their environment. Christ changes men, who then change their environment. The world would shape human behavior, but Christ can change human nature."

What is your favorite?

My Exciting Discoveries...

I love it when I discover new things. Especially things that are of value. I am so excited about my latest discoveries that I just had to share them.

The first one you can get to by following this link. It is an interactive Friend magazine for kids. There are pictures they can color, games to play, stories they can listen to, etc.

The second thing I have found is the Mormon Channel. It is actually on the lds.org home page but you can also find it by clicking here. I love this because I can just play it on my computer during the day and feel like I have BYU tv. I love it. Yesterday I learned some pretty cool things about the hymns.

The last thing is one of my very favorite things. I actually discovered this awhile ago, but it has made such an impact on my life. I downloaded the talks from this website that are listed under "Gospel Teaching and Learning". I listen to them every morning during my morning run or walk (I have been walking more recently because I think my knees are falling apart). I LOVE them!!! They are SO GOOD!!! My very favorite one is called "Teach Them to Understand" by Elder Bednar. I also loved "Who is this Man Who Knoweth His Letters?" SO GOOD!!! Also the one by Virginia Pearce. Okay, they are all amazing.

Enjoy.

A Year Ago Today...

Exactly one year ago, I went in for my doctor's appointment and found out that I was going to have another little girl. I remember feeling the inital disappointment because I had wanted a boy so badly. A boy who would grow up to be a missionary. That is what I dreamed of. After the news began to sink in and I saw the look of excitement on Cory's face, I knew that a girl was exactly what I was supposed to have and just what I wanted. The excitment grew each day as I day dreamed about what my life would soon be like with three beautiful little girls. At this point, I knew that I had placenta previa, but I had no idea how severe or fatal it could be.

As I think back to this time, I feel a wave of emotion rush through my body as I reminise about what it felt like to have my little Clairisa at the center of my life. Pregnancy had always been something that I'd taken for granted. Sure, I'd seen my older sister have the most severe case of clampsia and toxemia, and I had witnessed both of her children being born months early and their total weight being less than half of Katelund's birthweight (8 lbs 2 oz), and I knew that I had witnessed a miracle, actually two miracles (who are not only adorable and healthy children, but are developmentally ahead of their peers...it helps that they have genius parents), but I still had no idea what it would be like to have something go wrong.

My two previous pregnancies had been the most uneventful pregnancies ever. The only thing that made them abnormal was the fact that my body would'nt go into labor (thank heavens for patosin). It wasn't until I saw the look of panic on the doctor's face that I realized how miraculous pregnancy truly is. It wasn't until I heard the doctor tell me that she did not make it that I felt the disapair, agony, and sorrow that accompany a mother who has lost her baby.

I look at pregnancy different now. I look at babies differently now. I stand in awe at the divine gift that we have been given as women to create life. And now, as I finish up the last month and a half of the longest year of my life, I do so with a greater understanding of life and death, a greater desire to become who I am supposed to become, and greater excitement and anticiaption for the future day when the doctor will again tell me if the miracle within me is a boy or a girl.

{This is not an announcement}

Camping in Mississippi

Cory is in charge of leasing at three different malls in Mississippi. Which means that he spends 3-4 days every other week in Mississippi. So we decided that since there's no school, we'd just go with him this week. We had SO MUCH FUN!! We camped out at a KOA campsite. If you've never camped at one, I definitely recommend it. We stayed in this cute little cabin (that has air conditioning and electricity) with a full size bed and bunk beds. Cory spent his days working and we spent our days playing and swimming. We will definitely be back in a couple of weeks.

We seriously spent like 6-8 hours at the pool everyday.

This was the first time the girls every played on a teeter totter. They played on it a lot!

Our cabin was the one on the left.

Picture taken from the inside of the cabin.

One of my favorite things were the gardenia bushes by the front porch. Everytime I got within a couple of feet of them I was totally in heaven because they SMELL so good!!!! I think I need to plant some in my own yard.

Hanging out on the front porch.

This tire swing was the girls favorite thing!! They loved it, especially when Daddy would swing them in it. Cory finally talked me into going for a swing in it. I was screaming like crazy. It doesn't look very scary from this picture, but Cory would get it going out really far and really high. In fact, at one point I remember saying to him " you better stop this right now unless you want to raise our children by yourself." I seriously thought that I was somehow going to fall out and die. I'm a dork, I know.

Cory would get home in the evening and join us in the pool. We had a lot of fun playing colored eggs, marco pool, and of course I just fell in love all over again with Cory as I watched him swim the butterfly (I always make him swim that stroke when we're in the pool because he does it so beautifully).

We have so much fun together as a family. I just couldn't imagine my life without my wonderful husband or my adorable little girls.

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Why I Mow My Lawn...

This post is dedicated to Amber, who wonders why I am mowing the lawn and not her brother.

It all started when I was about 12 years old and my dad decided that his lawn mowing days had come to an end because he had two daughters who could now do it. Years before that, my sister and I always had to be outside while my dad mowed because we had to do the edging, weed eating, and grass pickup (we'd have to rake it all into a pile and then put it in the trash). Now I'm sure that my sister is going to argue this with me in her comment, but don't listen to her. I swear to you that I had to mow the lawn WAY more than she ever did because when we moved to Arlington, TX she stayed in Garland with my aunt and uncle for awhile so that she could finish the school year, or something like that.

So unlike my darling sister-in-law, I did not have any brothers who could mow the lawn, I had to do it....along with MANY other jobs that my Dad made me do. Working in my home was a serious thing because I have a mom who is an exceptional cleaner and wanted to teach her daughters to do it to the same level of perfection (I remember having to show the tub to my mom after I scrubbed it in order to get her approval...I normally had to do it at least 2-3 times). I also had a Dad who claimed that the reason he had children was so that they could do all the work while he "supervised". The only way that I could ever spend the night at someone's house was if I was home by 7 am Saturday morning so that I could begin my Saturday chores.

As a youth, I would always dream of the day when I was married to the man of my dreams who would never even think of having me mow the lawn, edge, weed eat, trim bushes, rake the leaves, etc. Fast forward 3 or 4 years....I married the man of my dreams who has ever allergy known to man, and to top it off, he's allergic to grass. So, I mow the lawn. Not that he can't or won't do it. We had a day of service about a month ago here in our region and Cory had to mow like 6 lawns. He wore jeans, a long sleeve shirt, and had to take like 10 benadryl. He came home miserable. He would mow our lawn (and he actually did the front yard last week while I was gone, but I took over and did the rest because otherwise I knew that I would have a sleepy husband the rest of the day because of all of the Benadryl he'd have to take). But I actually kinda like it. I enjoy the satisfaction that comes from seeing the beautiful neat rows of trimmed grass. It is very satisfying. In an effort to be frugal, Cory traded some of his tools for a lawn mower. It is wonderful and does a great job, but....it's a push mower and we have a huge hill in our front yard. So not only do I get the satisfaction of a beautiful yard, but I also get a great work out.