Conference Traditions

WOW!! Conference was AMAZING!!! So many wonderful talks that have inspired, motivated, and encouraged me. I think my very favorite talk was the one about parenting with courage....okay I can't leave it at one favorite. I tried, I promise I did. I also loved Elder Arnold's talk, Pres. Uchtdorf, and Pres. Monson's talks. Okay, they were all good. But, my very favorite session was Sunday afternoon, which is unusual because my favorite session is usually on Saturday.

Anyways, on to traditions. I love hearing about people's conference traditions. I have a friend who makes cinnamon rolls with her kids during Saturday conference. I thought about doing that...but then I thought about my past cinnamon roll experiences...not so good. Growing up, we would always restock our 72 hour emergency backpacks. Well, we decided to go with traditions that may not be as domestic or or as practical, but they are perfect for our family. On Saturday, we play tennis (the girls play on a playground right next to the courts and Hailey has our own little set up...I'll have to take a pic next time we go, it's pretty hilarious). The weather seems to always be perfect on conference weekend and so we LOVE to do outdoor stuff. Cory and I actually started this tradition when we were first married. The next tradition we do is on Sunday. We have a picnic. We have gone to different places to do this (places without a playground as a temptation), but this year I think we found the perfect place. It is actually a church history site that is like 20 minutes from our house. It is the Joseph Standing Monument. Joseph Standing was serving a mission out here and was martyred. You can click here to find out more. It was a beautiful monument and it had such a peaceful reverent feeling about it. In fact, Katelund asked me if we were in the sacred grove.

So we were loving every second of our picnic....until....scroll down to the very last picture (by the way, don't look too closely at the pics...lots of mismatched clothes, messy hair, and no make-up)......






...along came a spider!! Cory freaked out (yes, he acts like a little girl when it comes to spiders) and so did everyone else (except me...I was laughing hysterically at Cory). So that pretty much ended our perfect picnic.

Sunday conference also means candy, coloring, puzzles, and anything else that keeps the girls quiet and busy. As I was searching online for ideas, I found some cute conference workbooks and one of the things they had were blank ties for the kids to color in for each speaker. I loved this idea...but not nearly as much as my girls did. I didn't even print anything off. I just drew a tie on a piece of paper and the girls colored it in to make an exact replica of the speaker's. Notice the necklace Katelund drew for Sister Cook. They even cut them out and everything. They had SO MUCH fun doing this!!! It will definitely be a must for next conference.

Oh, how I love that feeling!

Have you ever loved doing something so much that you just get all giddy inside just thinking about it and you feel like you are on top of the world and that life just couldn't get any better than it is in that very moment?

--------
That is how I feel when I play tennis. Cory and I went and played yesterday for the first time in many years. It was SO MUCH FUN!!! I seriously could not even stop smiling. I was just so happy. There is just something incredible that happens inside of me whenever I swing that racket, especially when I hit the ball so beautifully and perfectly that it just glides right over the net and lands exactly where I want it to. Then there is that smell...oh how I love the smell of a freshly opened can of tennis balls. And of course I can't leave out how good it feels to actually be beating Cory at something, especially something that I love. It's such an amazing feeling. Oh, how I love that feeling!

That is also how I feel when I sing in a choir...a good choir that is. I L.O.V.E singing melody in a choir or a group of singers. I am definitely not a solo voice, but I do know how to read music and I am pretty good at blending in. But it is not my own singing that makes me feel that feeling of excitement and exuberance, it is the blending of voice. The sound that comes from different people with different voices who come together and blend as one voice. There is just nothing that compares to that feeling. Last weekend as we were sitting in our stake center waiting for the General Relief Society meeting to start, we divided up into sopranos, 2nd sopranos (which is my favorite part to sing), and altos. Then we were led and directed by a very musically gifted man who turned a group of sisters who were singing quietly and reserved, into a choir. The spirit in the room was amazing. All of the sudden, I felt that feeling. The feeling that comes when each and every note that I sing comes out with meaning, passion, and purpose. I felt like I was singing with angels, especially when our voices become one as we sang "As Sisters in Zion". I was not the only one in that room who had chills up my arms and tears welling up in my eyes. Oh, how I love that feeling!

That is also how I feel on the eve of General Conference weekend as I wait in anticipation to hear the voice of a prophet. To hear the prophet and apostles speak with power and authority and then to feel the Holy Ghost bear witness of truth in my heart and speak softly to my mind those things that I need to repent of and recommit to. Oh, how I LOVE that feeling!

Remembering Kelly

Yesterday was Kelly's birthday. Kelly is my brother who lived for a short five months. I slept in the same room as him. I was a couple of feet away from him in my bed the night that he passed away. The memories that I have are mostly vague, but they are still there. Somewhere in my brain are the memories of a five year old girl who was suddenly very aware of what death was. I remember my mom crying and crying. I remember the sound of the ambulance and I remember my dad holding him for the very last time. I also remember how much I loved him and how excited I was to be a big sister. I have a picture in my room of me holding him...holding the only brother I would ever know. As a five year old, I knew that he would always be part of my family. When I drew pictures in school of my family, I always drew him. When people would ask me how many brothers and sisters I had, I always included him. One day when I was pregnant with Clairisa, I was doing the dishes and had a distinct impression about what Clairisa's middle name should be. I called my mom and asked her if it was alright if I named her Clairisa Kelly. Little did I know how appropriate it would be for me to name my own daughter after my perfect brother.

When we lost Clairisa, Katelund was also five years old. I wonder what memories will stay with her. I wonder if Clairisa will change her life the same way that Kelly changed mine. Sometimes when people ask me how many children I have, I include Clairisa, but then other times I don't. But, Katelund always includes "Clairlisa". She draws her in her pictures. She prays for her and thanks Heavenly Father for her every single night. She talks about the day that we will be together again.

There was a time when she couldn't stand to see me cry. She had watched me cry and hurt so much that she just couldn't take it any more. One day I found her hiding in her closet and plugging her ears. When I asked her what she was doing she said that she just couldn't stand to hear me cry any longer. At that point, I knew that I needed to be stronger. I turned to my own mother and drew upon her strength. The strength that she had always carried with her. The strength that comes from a lifetime of experiences that carve your character. When I think of how much she helped me get through such a difficult time, I have to wonder if that was just all part of the plan. How could I have ever gone through such a trial without the example, strength, and empathy of my mother? I don't know that I could have and I thank God that I didn't have to.

Somehow, I think that losing a brother helped prepare me for the day that I would lose my daughter. These two experiences, more than any others, have made me who I am today. They have molded and refined me in so many ways. They have given me vision. But above all, they have given me hope and excitement for a future day when I will be reunited with them once again.

Reasons to Celebrate

REASON #1....Cory turned 32 yesterday. We went to Texas Roadhouse for dinner and had a great time. Especially when they made him ride the bull and sing to him in front of the whole restaurant. Of course, he loved it and was totally not embarrassed but he pretended like he was because the girls thought it was hilarious. The other day my sister told me about a co-worker of hers who lost their spouse unexpectedly in the night. It has really effected me. I couldn't imagine how boring and lonely my life would be without Cory in it. He is not only an incredible husband and father, he is also my very best friend. Nobody..and I mean NOBODY...can make me laugh like Cory can. He is a romantic, an optimist, a hard worker, a hard player...whether it is on the ball field (football, basketball, tennis, softball...you get the idea), in the swimming pool, or at home with his girls. He is also loyal, faithful, charitable, patient (unless he is driving), kind, and charismatic. AND one of the best things about him is that he just keeps getting better and better with age. :)


REASON #2... This last Saturday was our "5 for 5 on 25" 5k. At the same time that we were running (and our girls were biking), so was all of the rest of Amber's family and friends. We were celebrating because as of the 25th, Amber is officially in remission because she has been cancer free for 5 years. As I was running my 3.1 miles (actually, it was 4) I had a lot of time to think about Amber. We began our friendship when I was 15 years old, which means that she has been my best friend for half of my life. Have you ever heard the quote, "God knew that I loved you so much so he made you my sister."? That is exactly how I feel. She is AMAZING!! I have so MANY memories with Amber, but none of them are as vivid as the one when I found out that my best friend/sister had been diagnosed with renal cell kidney cancer. I remember the exact spot where I was sitting. I remember being in shock and trying to process what I had just been told. I remember when the tears started flowing. I remember the first time that I heard her voice after I found out and my desperate pleading prayer that it wouldn't be the last. Thankfully, it wasn't and hopefully it won't be for a very long time. Amber has been with me through the hardest moments of my life, as a teenage girl and as an adult. She has stood by my side, wrapped me in her arms and held me together at times when I felt like my life was shattering all around me. I truly believe that our friendship on earth is only a continuation of one that started a long time ago and one that will continue on throughout eternity.





Yesterday I received an email from my friend Tonya, who is the mother of Audrey (the sweet little girl who I referred to in my previous post). Here is what she wrote...."I wanted to send some pictures that you could add to your blog if you would like so that your readers can know Audrey a bit too. The first picture [sorry, it is actually the last] is just a few days after her second birthday. We discovered the lump on her back that turned out to be a very rare malignant Rhabdoid tumor. The tumor was removed the week of Halloween 2009. The second picture is Audrey showing her happy spirit toward the end of her chemotherapy and after she had already completed radiation. Audrey completed her last hospitalized chemotherapy May 28th (the same day her baby sister was born). Chemotherapy ended just two weeks after that. In the past three months we have had scans that indicate there are no lasting cancer cells. Her immune system is still very weak and we are constantly worried about fevers and illnesses as they will still require hospitalization (has happened once since treatment stopped). Audrey will have a second set of scans in early November. Today Audrey is celebrating her 3rd birthday!"

And that my friends, is REASON #3.

Haircuts for LOVE

The long awaited day finally came last Saturday. The girls have been growing their hair out for the last couple of months so that they could send in their 10 inch ponytails to Locks of Love. They have made me measure their hair everyday for the last 6 weeks. They have also diligently drank lots of water and took a vitamin everyday so that their hair would grow faster. :) They finally just couldn't stand waiting any longer. I was hoping to grow it out a little bit more so that their hair wouldn't be so short, but there was no talking them out of it. When Cloey was telling someone about why she cut her hair, she said (in her dramatic voice), "I cut it for love."

[The Locks of Love donation was in honor of our sweet little friend Audrey who has been battling cancer over the last year or so. She has touched our hearts and reminded us of how much we have to be grateful for. We love you Beadle family!]

Optimism at its best...

Yesterday in Primary, Cloey's teacher was asking all of the kids what their talents were. When it was Cloey's turn, she said, "I can play the flute....well actually, I've never played one, but I know that I would be good if I did."

I LOVE that optimistic attitude. That is Cloey. Oh, how I love her!!!

Why yesterday was so awesome....

*Starting and ending the day with a walk around the neighborhood with the best baby in the world who is growing up WAY too quickly!!
*Watching the girls ride their bikes and enjoying the cool (cool is definitely being used loosely here) evening air.
*making "jazzy jars" with the girls to take to school for the annual Harvest Hoedown.
*buying the most awesome Halloween ribbon (notice the thick orange and purple) at the Dollar Store.
*having a VERY successful trip to the thrift store. I LOVE the challenge of leaving the store with AMAZING stuff. I bought all sorts of Gymboree, Children's Place, and Gap clothing (I've posted my two favorites...when it comes to baby girl dresses, I'm obsessed). I also got the awesome 4 wick pumpkin candle pictured below. It is making my house smell AMAZING (you have to say amazing in your best sing song voice, haven't you heard me say it like that?) And, no trip to the thrift store would be complete without some good children's books.
*eating McDonalds for dinner. Okay, I normally hate McDonalds, but have you ever had their Southwest salad? My sister, Andrea, told me about it and I was very impressed. But, the best part about eating McDonalds for dinner was the fact that there was no cooking involved or dirty dishes afterwards (we also went b/c it is a new location near us and for the rest of the month they have 99 cent happy meals every Wednesday...oops, I found out it was actually Thursday but there was no turning around at that point or else my kids would've gone ballistic)

...and that is why I had such an awesome day.

cleaning...a never-ending job

I spent the day yesterday cleaning all of those spots that just don't get cleaned often enough, well at least not in my house. I am not very good at staying on top of dusting. Everytime I do it I wonder why it is not something that I do every week. But seriously, who dusts their ceiling fans every week. Okay, don't answer that because you probably do, but I don't. As I was cleaning the molding around all the doorways and noticing all of the dirty and sticky fingers that have so lovingly left their mark, I was thinking about how amazing it is how dirty things get so quickly when left alone. There are some messes that are more obvious and get much more of my attention, for example, a sink full of dishes. But for some reason, the messes that are not as noticeable and the dust webs that are not as obtrusive, get overlooked way too often at my house. It just feels so good today to know that the fridge is cleaned out, the shelves and pictures are dusted, and the clothes are organized in their drawers. To somebody else, my house may look just as clean as it did last week when I cleaned it, but really it is on a whole new level of clean.

Isn't that just the way it is with who we are. Every so often it is good to dust out the cobwebs in our own life. To have a self-inventory and decide what things need to be worked on, what things need to go, and what things need to be repented of. I started doing this yesterday and I realized that lately I have started to let a couple little things in that I really shouldn't. I think I have been a lot more judgemental and cynical lately and a little less merciful and meek....those are just to name a few of the things that I thought of.

I find it very interesting, and frustrating, that almost every single job that I do as a mother is undone within a minute/day/week. If things are not kept up, fixed, or redone each day, chaos follows and the whole flow of our home is totally thrown off. This is so symbolic of our spiritual, physical, mental, and emotional well being. When I am not daily reading my scriptures, I am not as close to the spirit, which means that my intentions aren't as good and my thoughts aren't as pure. When I am not regularly and consistently exercising, I am not as happy. When I eat too much junk for too many days, I feel horribly. When I am not doing frequent service, I find myself less grateful and more self-consumed.

It is just in our natures, when we do not frequently take stock, throw out, repent and recommit, life tends to get bad and things that may not be obvious to everyone, will gradually become a bigger issue and pretty soon we will wonder what happened and how we got where we are. I have seen this very thing happen to a close friend of mine. Luckily they were able to make changes before things got too bad, but it was a great lesson to me. One that I will never forget.

So here is to clean homes, clean hands and clean hearts....may we never stop seeking for each of them.

Transitions and Succeeding

Today I went shopping with two of my good friends. One who is 40 and the other is 50. I just LOVE being with them! There is just something to be said for older women. They have such confidence about them and are just happy with who they are. I admire that so much.

As a teenager, I felt confident at times, but of course, there were moments of self-doubt and awkwardness that just comes with teenage life. Then I got married. All of the sudden, I had an identity crisis. I don't know why but for some reason I just felt so alone. I had Cory (which is exactly what I wanted) but all of the sudden I had nothing in common with all of my unmarried friends and it was hard for me. Then after we made friends together, I felt comfortable again...until I became a mother. Then all of the sudden the self-doubt and lack of confidence came flooding back in.

I think that with every new stage of life, there is a time of transition. A time where your identity is redefined. At such times, I feel like that awkward teenager who is trying so hard to fit in and yet at the same time trying to not compromise who I am. These moments of transition are never-ending. Sometimes they are big transitions and other times they are small. But, they always seem to make me become more introspective and critical of who I am.

A couple of years ago, I ran a half-marathon with my good friend Austyn. After she moved to NYC, she sent me a video in the mail of a slide show that her husband had put together of us from that day. Along with it, she wrote me a letter that I still have in the drawer of my nightstand. She said that in life we will have many different titles but many of them will come and go. She said that what she loved the most about the video is that when she watched it she saw me as Melissa. Not Katelund's mom, Cory's wife, YW president, or any other title...just me. I think of that letter a lot because all though a majority of my focus and attention goes to my calling as a mother, wife, visiting teacher, etc., I don't want to lose myself in the process. Not that I shouldn't lose myself in the service of others, but when I remember and am content with who I am, I'm a much better mother, wife, friend, sister, daughter, etc.

Sometimes I just try so hard to be like other women who just seem to have it all together. In my eyes, they seem so perfect. But as hard as I try to be like them, it just doesn't work. I will never be the woman who has a completely organized home with labels in every drawer. I'll never be the perfect wife who has a beautiful 5 course dinner ready on the table by 6 o'clock every night, or the mom who looks like she just stepped out of a salon. I will most likely have a ponytail in my hair, spit up all over my shirt, dinner on the table at some point that night (even if it is a rotisserie chicken that I bought at the grocery store on my way home), and at least one room that looks great, one drawer that is organized, and at least one or two unfinished projects that are scattered around the house. It's just me, and all though I will still continue to try to be better and improve, I have to be happy and content with who I am. I often remind my girls of the story of Esther. I tell them that they too were born for such a time as this. It is so easy to tell them that with confidence because I know that they have a divine plan and purpose, but it is also something that I have to remind myself about...and then believe it. My divine role and purpose is obviously not to be a Martha Stewart, but I believe it is something significant...even if it is just being a mother to beautiful little girls. One of my favorite poems that I have loved since I was about 14 years old is called "To Have Succeeded" by Ralph Waldo Emerson.

To Have Succeeded

To laugh often and love much:
To win respect of intelligent people
And the affection of children;
To earn the approbation of honest critics
And endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty;
To find the best in others;
To give one's self;
To leave the world a little better,
Whether by a healthy child,
A garden patch,
Or redeemed social condition;
To have played and laughed with enthusiasm
And sung with exultation;
To know even one life has breathed easier
Because you have lived...
This is to have succeeded.

Remembering why I blog...

I don't know if you have noticed, but lately I have been just blogging about the things we are up to, the things that we are doing. I have tried to leave out tons of emotions, feelings, and sentiment because this is a public blog you know? But, in doing so, I feel like blogging has not been as fun to me. It has become more of something on my to do list in order to keep my family and friends updated on our life. But, I need more. I need my blog to represent me so that someday when my children look back and read my entries, they will know who I was and who I was striving to become. They will know that I was human, that I had good days and bad days. Moments where I felt strong and others where I felt vulnerable and weak. Moments where I felt understood and others where I felt misunderstood. Moments where I saw things as they really are and as they really will become. Moments where I yearned to do more and become better, and then also moments where I felt comfortable with where I was and who I am. These are the moments in my life that define me. The moments that matter.

Hailey at 6 months

H....happy
A....adorable
I....irresistable
L....loving
E....enamoring
Y....yummy (wow, that was pretty lame for y...any other ideas for a y word?)

The first two pictures were taken last night when I went to check on her before I went to bed. She was seriously sleeping like that. The rest of the pictures were taken one after the other as she went from sitting to face plant. Then sitting to falling backwards. She is getting better and better at sitting each day. It is so FUN to have all day alone with Hailey. I seriously savor each moment with her as I rock her, sing to her, play with her, smile and laugh together, and even occasionally take a nap cuddled up together. It is like having one child all over again. I LOVE it! I also love walking to the bus stop at 3:00 and having my two little girls run into my arms and tell me all about their day.

Cloey just cannot get enough of school. Although, she is really bothered with the fact that they are not learning more and getting homework. She was also very upset yesterday because a lot of kids in her class got their stick pulled when they were supposed to "be on their best behavior" for the substitute.

And Katelund...is my challenge. She thinks Cloey is crazy for wanting homework because she absolutely hates it. She definitely keeps me on my toes as a mother, but that's a good thing. I wouldn't have her any other way (please remind me of that this afternoon around 3:30). Other than that life is great. I feel like Cory and I kiss in passing each day everyday as he or I are running out the door for meetings or presidency visits. But the great part about being anxiously engaged as a family, is that the Lord blesses you. He always provides a way, of that I am certain.

My Big Surprise

If you know me, you know that I LOVE surprises. I don't love keeping surprises a secret (ya, I'm REALLY bad at that!!) but I love to be part of them and plan them. In fact, I love them so much that many times I secretly create scenarios in my head of people surprising me. Wow, that sounds so lame and embarrassing now that I just admitted to something so juvenille. Well, my family knows this about me (and loves me anyways) and so they decided to make one of my ultimate dreams come true this last week.

It was Thursday night and I was gathering all of the supplies that I needed for the games at the bridal shower that started in about 15 minutes. I was anxiously waiting for Cory to get home because I really needed to be leaving and I didn't want to take Hailey with me. He had ran to the store real quick with the girls to buy some upholstery cleaner (whole other story). Then I heard a knock at the garage door...which was really strange. I opened the door and there standing in front of me was my mom. It was a very surreal moment. I was just trying to process the fact that my mom really was there. Then I see my dad. I couldn't believe it!!! They had driven 12 hours, on a whim, to come and see us in Tennessee!! As if that wasn't the biggest surprise ever, then they told me to go and look in their car to see my next surprise. There on the floor were some of the cutest kids ever...my niece and nephew, Abby and Ethan. I was totally in shock. I was SO EXCITED!!! They ended up staying for 2 days and 3 nights. It was SO MUCH FUN to have them here. At first I was totally embarrassed by how messy my house was because I was in my "project mode" preparing for the wedding. Let me explain...when I am in "project mode" everything in my life is put on hold while I focus my attention on my project. The worst culprit is my home...oh, the disaster!! But, I quickly got over my embarrassment because I really was just so excited to have them here visiting. My mom helped me SO MUCH with wedding stuff, Hailey got tons of grandma and grandpa love, and I even let Katelund skip school one day so that she could have as much time as possible playing with her cousins.

I know that my mom would want me to clarify this, so I will. She told me that she would never just show up like that at anyone's home. She only did it to me because she knew how much I would L.O.V.E. it!!!! Which I totally did! It seriously made my year.

We even got some free babysitting in while they were here so that Cory and I could go to ward council AND they were here on Cory and I's 10th anniversary. Unfortunately, we didn't get to celebrate the day of because it was a super crazy day for both of us, so we celebrated this last weekend (and got more free babysitting thanks to my good friend Kristi).

More on the anniversary later.

Wedding Decorations

Here is what I have been consumed with the past couple of weeks. I had so much fun being in charge of the decorations. It was A LOT of work but it was so worth it because I had SO MUCH FUN doing it. The best part was how cheap it all was. The centerpiece was around $4 total because I made the table runners (well, my good friend Natalie MAJORLY helped me with her awesome surger), grew the wheat grass from my food storage, used the leftover wedding invitations for the picture, and used mason jars and cute, yet cheap, flowers (thanks to Rhonda). The bride, Kelsey, wanted a casual country feeling but she also wanted it to be cute. I totally sold her on the damask (which I fell in love with at Stefani's wedding) and then used lots of lime green tissue paper to make tons of pom poms (big ones and small ones for the kissing ball look that I hung on the staircase and all of the doors. The pictures don't really capture it the way that I wish they would, but it gives you an idea.

The best part about last week though was my big surprise. But, I will tell you all about that tomorrow because I have three beautiful daughters who are demanding my attention. :)