"Moments are the molecules that make up eternity."
-Neal A. Maxwell
Monday, April 23, 2012
How I Feel
This is the way Hailey wears her shoes each day. It's not that I won't put them on her correctly, it's that SHE wants to do it and she doesn't want me to help her at ALL! The other day she was walking down the stairs in her flip flops with the toe seperator between the wrong toes and the shoes on the wrong feet but she didn't seem to be bothered by it at all. About half way down the stairs she stopped, made a really funny face, and then bent over. I thought for sure that she had finally decided that something just wasn't right. The toe seperator in the wrong spot would drive me CRAZY!! But, nope, she was bending over to pull the strap back up around her heel and then once that was fixed she was good to go again. I was laughing so hard. She is just so stinking cute....but also, very stubborn, independant, and absolutely the most active, mishevious and fearless two year old that I have raised. Life would be so much easier for her if she would just let me step in and help her more often.
The last three weeks have been really hard for me. In fact, adjusting to our new life in Texas has felt very similar to wearing flip flops on the wrong feet and with the toe seperator in the wrong toes. If Cory and I hadn't received that confirming answer that we were doing the right thing, I would say that we had made a mistake. But, I know that is not the case. Nonetheless, it still feels like shoes on the wrong feet. I know that part of it is the fact that we are still in temporary housing and not in our house yet. But, I also just feel so out of place in our ward and everywhere else (even the Target is laid out so weird that I can't find anything!). We have moved A LOT in our 11 years of marriage, but each and every time it takes me the longest of anyone else in our family to adjust.
ast week when Cloey was saying our family prayers one night, she said the most beautiful prayer. But, the line that hit me the strongest was when she said, "Heavenly Father, please help us to start feeling like Texans." That's exactly what I needed to pray for. I had been praying for so many things, and yet, praying to feel like I fit in here was not even something I had considered praying for. There we all were sitting in our bedroom praying together, and all of the sudden I realized that I was no different than Hailey. All this time I have been the one insisting that I put my own "shoes" on. I hadn't even considered that the reason it felt so wrong and uncomfortable was because I was not asking for help. So, my prayers have changed. I have tried to be so much more prayerful and grateful the last few days. I have begun to look for all the blessings we have received and even some very sweet tender mercies that have helped me recognize the Lord's hand and his constant awareness of our needs and desires.
No, things are not quite comfortable yet. Yes, I still very much MISS Chattanooga, but I know that we are where we are supposed to be. And even more than that, I know that if I trust in the Lord and ask for his help, that he will make this process much easier and a lot less painful.