Monday, April 19, 2010

life with a baby

When Cory and I first got married, I used to dream about what it would be like to have a baby...to hold a precious little one in my arms, to rock her to sleep every night, to laugh with her, sing to her, and be the best mother in the whole world.

Fast forward three years to when I finally had my very own baby. It was quite a reality check. It was not anything like I had dreamed it would be. It was HARD, I was TIRED, and why won't she STOP crying???? Don't get me wrong, I loved to have a baby and I loved being a mother, but it was also one of the hardest adjustments I've ever had to make. Everything changed....my body, my hormones, my restful nights, my flexible schedule that revolved around ME, and all of the sudden I was swept up into this whole new way of life and I felt like a complete failure at it because Katelund would cry ALL of the time. Eventually I figured it out. Things got easier, but I still had so much to learn.

Now that I have a whole lot more experience, patience (well...on some days at least), and common sense (all though Cory might question that at times), taking care of my third baby should be like riding a bike and for the most part it has been. But, no matter how much experience and patience I have, taking care of a baby is just not easy. It is still a lot of work. Now I have to not only change a zillion diapers a day, wash clothes non-stop from blow-outs, give baths, nurse every minute (at least it feels like it), sing to her, rock her, and comfort her, but I also have to take care of two other little girls who need just as much, if not more, attention. Their needs and demands are a lot different, but they are still there nonetheless. Life with three little girls is crazy a lot of the time. There are moments where I feel like I am going absolutely insane and then there are other moments when it just feels so natural.

Yesterday was one of those insane days. I had to teach a lesson, go nurse Hailey, have a one-on-one with a Young Woman, chase down the Bishop, go to Sunday School for a couple of minutes, spend sacrament meeting telling my girls to "sit down", "hold still", "put your shoes on", "stop hitting your sister", "leave Hailey alone", "listen". "be quiet", "stop taking my earring out", "grap the burp rag, I have spit up all down my shirt", etc., etc. Then I had to run to one meeting and then run to another but only for a couple of minutes because I had to run out to calm my screaming hungry baby. AHHHH!! It was crazy. But, then as I came home and sat down to rock Hailey, I saw this......



....and all the sudden the world made sense again. I remembered why I am a mother and why I love it so much. It is all worth it...every dirty diaper, every shirt that I change and wash from spit up or blow-out, and every sleepless night. There is just nothing in the world that is more precious and more rewarding than looking down at such a perfectly pure and innocent face of a baby. I know that I am DEFINITELY not the best mother in the whole world, but as I look into Hailey's eyes, for just one little moment, I can see who I have the potential to become and it makes it easier to get up the next day and do it all over again.

6 comments:

Melissa said...

I have to smile, because that is EXACTLY how I feel! I feel like I am a crazy woman because I have 4 young children! What was I thinking?!?! But, just like you said, you see that sweet look & you know that you're doing the right thing. Thanks! :)

Austyn said...

i cannot tell you how glad i am you posted this!! I feel like no one ever really talks honestly about motherhood and especially on their blogs so i always think there is something really wrong with me when i dont feel like it's all bliss. it's like how no one tells you how hard recovery is after having a baby. it's hard! Plus, i look at you and of course think you are the most patient and loving mother and how can i ever be like you? anyway, i am sure you are handling it all with grace and ease, and way better than me!

and by the way- there HAS to be some solution about the whole church thing for young mothers...like maybe a break from our 5 gazillion callings? last sunday i left in the worst mood and thought how ironic that going to churh- supposedly a healing and uplifting experience- made me feel 1000 times worse than before i came. just means i have a lot of growing to do i guess. :)
hailey is beautiful.

mtnmama said...

Melissa,
I loved your comments. It is nice to know I am not the only one who has gone through this.
I love the photo of Hailey. When I saw it, ya know what went through my head? I see that precious new mortal looking at you in total awe, love, and respect. She seems to be saying, "Thank you Mommy for putting up with me. My body is so new and little. I am sorry I spit up on you or have bigger poops than my diapers can hold. I am sorry it makes more work for you. But I am so in awe of you Mommy because you willingly do the work that is required. And you love me in spite of all the stinky, yucky liquids I deposit on you and my clothes. I was told by Heavenly Father before I came what a wonderful daughter of his you were. I see that He was right. I love you so much Mommy!" That is what I see in Hailey's face. I think you are doing a great job Melissa! - Laura C. - Arden, NC

Ryan and Tonya said...

Melissa, I recently posted on my blog some feelings I have about having this third baby. It is funny that I felt more prepared to have a baby six years ago then I do now, after having two. It is so hard to imagine going back to baby days when we have survived them twice. Perhaps it is so much more daunting now because I know what is ahead and I know that being a mom of two active children now is already hard - then to add a baby and baby schedule. I am thankful to know that I am doing what I am suppose to and I have the help and support from the Lord, my husband and my family - including my ward family.

The Allphins said...

I got it from Target. They have a section of mix and match bedding.

Rebecca said...

You. Are. Awesome.

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