Christmas shopping.....went with Cory last night as a date (we had so MUCH FUN, and we got it all done in 2 1/2 hours
Wrapping....almost done, it's okay to let the girls watch movies all day while I wrap presents, right???
Christmas cards....what Christmas cards? (I've decided to send out baby announcements in Feb. instead)
family picture....why do it now when we could do it with a little baby in our arms?
Christmas baking....why not do it tomorrow as a family?
Don't you just love all of my justification for not doing all of the "things" that should be done at this time of year? As a family, we decided to simplify Christmas this year. I made all of the Christmas presents for all of my siblings and Cory's siblings (although, they won't get them until after Christmas) and for Cory's home teaching families, Katelund's school teacher, a close friend, and for all of the young women, but other than that....I'm not going completely out this year because I just want to enjoy the holidays. I want to enjoy being pregnant (even with all of the aches, pains, and tiredness that come along with the third trimester), I want to enjoy being with my children, and I don't want to be a complete emotional disaster when Cory comes home every evening. I just want to enjoy the feeling of love and excitement during the Christmas season. So...the Christmas goodies and cards will just have to wait for next year.
Okay, so on to the details of my doctor's appointment...but first I need to preface a little. In trying to save Clairisa (when my placenta abrupted at 28 weeks), my doctor did a classical C-section in order to get to her as quickly as possible. If you don't know what that is...it is a vertical cut that starts below my belly button and goes down about 4 inches (although it has gotten a lot longer as my stomach has expanded). This type of incision is not normally used anymore because it is more dangerous (b/c of blood loss to mother) and it heals a lot slower. Because I have this type of incision, there is no chance of me ever having a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarian) because there is a greater chance of my uterus rupturing during labor. My doctor in Asheville told me that any pregnancies I would have after Clairisa would have to not only be cesarian, but I would have to deliver a couple of weeks early to prevent my uterus from rupturing. So...my doctor here has been telling me that he will deliver me 2-3 weeks early. But, then this week he told me that he feels like we should try to hold out until week 39 so that Hailey does not have any problems with premature lungs. But, in order for me to make it to week 39, I cannot go into pre-term labor and I cannot have more than 3 contractions/hour.
I understand where my doctor is coming from and trust me I don't want Hailey to have to be on a ventilator or anything, BUT....I also want a baby that is alive. Maybe I am just speaking out of fear, but I would much rather have a premature baby than no baby at all! If my uterus were to rupture, then I could lose the baby (in fact, I could die as well). Maybe I am just being overly paranoid or overly anxious to have my baby in my arms, but I just feel afraid again. Afraid that I am going to lose another baby. When I was just beginning this pregnancy, I mercifully received that feeling of peace in knowing that all will be well, but right now I am just letting fear get the best of me. I will just continue to pray for that peace to return because I know that everything is in the Lord's hands, I just need to have more faith. More faith in my doctor (whom I searched, researched, and prayed for the right one for many weeks) and more faith in the Lord who can make miracles happen.
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