Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Christmas lists and my doctor appointment (they don't really go together, do they?)

Christmas shopping.....went with Cory last night as a date (we had so MUCH FUN, and we got it all done in 2 1/2 hours

Wrapping....almost done, it's okay to let the girls watch movies all day while I wrap presents, right???

Christmas cards....what Christmas cards? (I've decided to send out baby announcements in Feb. instead)

family picture....why do it now when we could do it with a little baby in our arms?

Christmas baking....why not do it tomorrow as a family?

Don't you just love all of my justification for not doing all of the "things" that should be done at this time of year? As a family, we decided to simplify Christmas this year. I made all of the Christmas presents for all of my siblings and Cory's siblings (although, they won't get them until after Christmas) and for Cory's home teaching families, Katelund's school teacher, a close friend, and for all of the young women, but other than that....I'm not going completely out this year because I just want to enjoy the holidays. I want to enjoy being pregnant (even with all of the aches, pains, and tiredness that come along with the third trimester), I want to enjoy being with my children, and I don't want to be a complete emotional disaster when Cory comes home every evening. I just want to enjoy the feeling of love and excitement during the Christmas season. So...the Christmas goodies and cards will just have to wait for next year.

Okay, so on to the details of my doctor's appointment...but first I need to preface a little. In trying to save Clairisa (when my placenta abrupted at 28 weeks), my doctor did a classical C-section in order to get to her as quickly as possible. If you don't know what that is...it is a vertical cut that starts below my belly button and goes down about 4 inches (although it has gotten a lot longer as my stomach has expanded). This type of incision is not normally used anymore because it is more dangerous (b/c of blood loss to mother) and it heals a lot slower. Because I have this type of incision, there is no chance of me ever having a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarian) because there is a greater chance of my uterus rupturing during labor. My doctor in Asheville told me that any pregnancies I would have after Clairisa would have to not only be cesarian, but I would have to deliver a couple of weeks early to prevent my uterus from rupturing. So...my doctor here has been telling me that he will deliver me 2-3 weeks early. But, then this week he told me that he feels like we should try to hold out until week 39 so that Hailey does not have any problems with premature lungs. But, in order for me to make it to week 39, I cannot go into pre-term labor and I cannot have more than 3 contractions/hour.

I understand where my doctor is coming from and trust me I don't want Hailey to have to be on a ventilator or anything, BUT....I also want a baby that is alive. Maybe I am just speaking out of fear, but I would much rather have a premature baby than no baby at all! If my uterus were to rupture, then I could lose the baby (in fact, I could die as well). Maybe I am just being overly paranoid or overly anxious to have my baby in my arms, but I just feel afraid again. Afraid that I am going to lose another baby. When I was just beginning this pregnancy, I mercifully received that feeling of peace in knowing that all will be well, but right now I am just letting fear get the best of me. I will just continue to pray for that peace to return because I know that everything is in the Lord's hands, I just need to have more faith. More faith in my doctor (whom I searched, researched, and prayed for the right one for many weeks) and more faith in the Lord who can make miracles happen.

7 comments:

Rebecca said...

I'm sorry there are so many things to be scared of. I really hope that goes away for you. It is hard sometimes. But just fyi, I have never been past 38 wks 2 days and have never had lung trouble with my babies. Kaylee was a 35 weeker and her lungs were good. Hopefully no matter when you deliver, you are all well. (I wish we lived closer.)

And yay! Christmas is in 2 days!!!

The Allphins said...

Yeah, that is scary. I guess at this point all you can do is trust in the Lord and pray for peace, like you said. We're praying for you as well.

I'm glad your present to us will get here late, because yours will be late as well. Working full time and falling asleep right after dinner because of pregnancy really aren't a good mix for homemade Christmas presents...

Lindsey said...

Wow, that's a lot for you to have to think about. I am sure your doctor knows what he is talking about, but as you know, Blake came at 33 weeks and his lungs were just fine. I did get 2 steroid shots though, maybe that could be an option for you as well if the doctor is that concerned about it.

Melissa said...

Melissa- I will share with you an answer I recieved right after Landon was born. I was so worried that he would die of SIDS or something would happen and he would stop breathing. As I stayed awake one night afraid that he would stop breathing, I prayed and recieved the answer "All is Well!" I knew that he would be okay. In other words, it's beyond my control what happens. I just need to have more faith, and trust Heavenly Father. He knows what I need. He knows how badly you need to hold Hailey & listen to her cry, so don't worry too much... All is Well & angels will help you, her, & the doctor. I Love you!

Ryan and Tonya said...

Melissa! I know how you are feeling right now though our experiences aren't quite the same. I will share with you the info that I too am pregnant. All I can think about is Audrey and cancer and killing the cancer without losing Audrey in the process. We tried for 18 months for this baby - so I want it but now seems like the wrong time. If everything goes according to schedule with Audrey's treatment she will finish two weeks before the baby arrives. And then there is the fear that this baby will have the same mutated cells that caused Audrey's cancer....

Andrea said...

Love ya.

Mandy said...

I hope that your peace has come back. I love you and wish I could be there to clean and chat with you while you anticipate Hailey's arrival. :)

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