Christmas 2009

Picture 1- some ornaments I made for an ornament exchange party we went to.
Picture 2- Santa once again left his "magic snow" this year. (It's magic b/c it doesn't melt because it is from the North Pole)
Picture 3 and 4- one of our Christmas Eve traditions....Cory reading the Polar Express while we listen in our pajamas and drink our hot chocolate.



We had such a wonderful Christmas this year. Although we did not have any family with us (sob, sob), we had so much fun just being our own little family and doing our own traditions. It couldn't have been more magical and perfect. This year we really tried to have all of our fun traditions on Christmas Eve and then we saved our special traditions for Christmas day. So many times I feel like we do it all on Christmas Eve and then Christmas Day is just spent playing with all of the new toys. So we spent the morning playing and then that afternoon we had Christmas dinner with the missionaries and then read the Mann family traditional book, "That Thine Alms May Be in Secret" (which is SO GOOD and such a tear-jerker....it even chokes Cory up). Then we sang Christmas carols together and focused on what Christmas means to us as a family. I think we'll be doing Christmas like this every year. It was perfect.

Cory went back to work today and so now I am totally going through withdrawals! I love having him home, although I am SO GRATEFUL that he has a job! I guess now that he is back to work that means that I must go back to work as well...laundry, dusting, mopping...you know all the fun stuff. I think the "nesting" feelings are starting to surface because I have got all sorts of projects that I want to start in January. I am getting SO EXCITED to have a little baby in our home!!!!!! Six (or less) weeks to go!!!!

Christmas lists and my doctor appointment (they don't really go together, do they?)

Christmas shopping.....went with Cory last night as a date (we had so MUCH FUN, and we got it all done in 2 1/2 hours

Wrapping....almost done, it's okay to let the girls watch movies all day while I wrap presents, right???

Christmas cards....what Christmas cards? (I've decided to send out baby announcements in Feb. instead)

family picture....why do it now when we could do it with a little baby in our arms?

Christmas baking....why not do it tomorrow as a family?

Don't you just love all of my justification for not doing all of the "things" that should be done at this time of year? As a family, we decided to simplify Christmas this year. I made all of the Christmas presents for all of my siblings and Cory's siblings (although, they won't get them until after Christmas) and for Cory's home teaching families, Katelund's school teacher, a close friend, and for all of the young women, but other than that....I'm not going completely out this year because I just want to enjoy the holidays. I want to enjoy being pregnant (even with all of the aches, pains, and tiredness that come along with the third trimester), I want to enjoy being with my children, and I don't want to be a complete emotional disaster when Cory comes home every evening. I just want to enjoy the feeling of love and excitement during the Christmas season. So...the Christmas goodies and cards will just have to wait for next year.

Okay, so on to the details of my doctor's appointment...but first I need to preface a little. In trying to save Clairisa (when my placenta abrupted at 28 weeks), my doctor did a classical C-section in order to get to her as quickly as possible. If you don't know what that is...it is a vertical cut that starts below my belly button and goes down about 4 inches (although it has gotten a lot longer as my stomach has expanded). This type of incision is not normally used anymore because it is more dangerous (b/c of blood loss to mother) and it heals a lot slower. Because I have this type of incision, there is no chance of me ever having a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarian) because there is a greater chance of my uterus rupturing during labor. My doctor in Asheville told me that any pregnancies I would have after Clairisa would have to not only be cesarian, but I would have to deliver a couple of weeks early to prevent my uterus from rupturing. So...my doctor here has been telling me that he will deliver me 2-3 weeks early. But, then this week he told me that he feels like we should try to hold out until week 39 so that Hailey does not have any problems with premature lungs. But, in order for me to make it to week 39, I cannot go into pre-term labor and I cannot have more than 3 contractions/hour.

I understand where my doctor is coming from and trust me I don't want Hailey to have to be on a ventilator or anything, BUT....I also want a baby that is alive. Maybe I am just speaking out of fear, but I would much rather have a premature baby than no baby at all! If my uterus were to rupture, then I could lose the baby (in fact, I could die as well). Maybe I am just being overly paranoid or overly anxious to have my baby in my arms, but I just feel afraid again. Afraid that I am going to lose another baby. When I was just beginning this pregnancy, I mercifully received that feeling of peace in knowing that all will be well, but right now I am just letting fear get the best of me. I will just continue to pray for that peace to return because I know that everything is in the Lord's hands, I just need to have more faith. More faith in my doctor (whom I searched, researched, and prayed for the right one for many weeks) and more faith in the Lord who can make miracles happen.

Hailey in the womb....

Yesterday was my 32 week appointment and I am going to post all about it but I'm about to go Christmas shopping, so here is a sneak peak of our little Hailey Jane. Isn't 4D amazing????

Pregnant pics taken by Cloey

The First Step: Admitting there is a problem...

Lately I have been wondering what is wrong with me. I am just not myself. I have been getting irritated with people so easily lately and I just have not had a whole lot of patience. As I was totally ranting to my mother-in-law this morning, she so sweetly told me that she knew what was wrong with me....it is my totally crazy pregnant hormones. Seriously, they have taken over and it is not a good thing. I feel so bad for everyone around me. Every time I go outside and hear my neighbor's dogs barking, I get completely annoyed (four Doberman Pinschers who I am about to take down in a fist fight). When my children start fighting, I want to scream. When I get handed one more task to complete or assignment to fulfill, I want to burst out in tears. Whenever I even think about all of the things that I need to get done before Christmas, I just want to crawl into my bed and never come out. And, every time I hear someone tell me how big my stomach is getting I want to rip their heads off. I bet you are really glad that you don't live near me, huh? :) And if you do, I'm so sorry. Please just know that my hormones have completely taken over my body and I really don't mean what I say. I really do love dogs (okay, maybe that is going a little far), I like to think that I am a pretty patient person (most of the time), and I truly am very happy and grateful that my baby is growing and healthy, please just don't remind me about how big I am getting....trust me....I already know. Anyways, I am hoping that by admitting that I have a problem and praying for help, that I will be able to control this crazy lady that has somehow taken over.

My Christmas Miracle

Today as I was talking to one of my neighbors, she asked me what we were doing for Christmas. I told her that we were staying home and that unfortunately we weren't going to have any family visiting this year. I then explained to her how last year we went to Minnesota for my brother-in-law's wedding. As I was walking home from the bus stop, my mind flooded with memories of last Christmas. It was not a normal Christmas. In fact, Becca and Logan were originally planning on getting married in August (before their 3 new nieces were born). But, for whatever reason (definitely divine intervention), they chose to push their wedding date back to December. I had chosen not to go. Cory was going to be there to represent our family and that was going to have to be enough because there was no way that I could go and see Amber and Brittney with their new baby girls and not have my own. I was still grieving and luckily everyone understood this and was just fine with whatever decision I came to. About a week before, I decided that I needed to go. To this day, I am not sure why. Maybe it is because I have always looked to Logan as the little brother figure in my life. My brother Kelly, who died when he was 4 months old, would've been the same age as Logan. Or maybe it is because I knew that it would be hard for Cory and so I felt like I needed to be there for him. I'm not sure. But I do know that I felt strongly about it because boarding that plane was one of the hardest things ever.

When I got there the band aid that I had put over my bleeding heart was immediately ripped off as soon as I saw Callie and Kylin for the first time. Watching them dress, nurse, rock, and cuddle their babies was almost more than I could take. But, I knew that I needed to be there....no matter how badly it hurt. On the day of the wedding, it was blizzarding. There was snow everywhere and the temperatures were unbearably freezing. As soon as we walked through the doors of the temple, the warmth flowed within my entire body. Not just the warmth from the heaters, the warmth of the Spirit. The warmth of knowing that there in the temple all the coldness and uncontrollable emotions within me that were constantly on the brink of rupturing were tempered. I knew that there in the walls of the Lord's house I would be given the strength that I needed to make it through the next two days. The sealing was beautiful. I have never seen Becca or Logan look so angelic. It was amazing. But then as I left the security of the temple, the blizzard and emotions blasted upon me once again. The reception was hard, especially during the picture session when Becca and Logan had all of their nieces and nephews around them. Becca was holding Kylin and Callie and the only thing that I could do was repeat in my mind, "why?". Why was I the one that had to lose my baby? Why did I come here? Why did she have to die?

The next day was Sunday. Amber had chosen to bless Callie in the hotel room so that all of the family could be part of it and all of her brothers could be there to place their hands on Callie's sweet little head and give her a name and a blessing. Amber had asked me months before if they could name their new little baby Callie Clairisa. Once again, I had debated about not being in that room. I knew that it would be hard, but I just kept thinking of Sister Dalton's words from conference, "I can do hard things, in fact, with Christ I can do all things.". The blessing began and the tears started flowing, not just my own tears though. The tears of everyone in that room. I will not share every detail of that day or the previous night because they are some of the most sacred experiences I have had. But, I will say that when I boarded the plane later that day, I felt as if my heart had been healed. I know that a miracle took place within my heart and within the hearts of others.

Last Christmas was one that I will never forget. It was my Christmas miracle. The kind of miracle that will be forever imprinted upon my soul and the kind that will always remind me of what Christmas is really all about. It is about the Christ child. The child that was born in the lowliest of circumstances and yet was the greatest of us all. The King of Kings and Lord of Lords who came to overcome the world, to overcome all of the heartache, suffering, sin, and death that would come upon each one of us. Even hundreds of years later, the Lord's coming can still bring joy to the world. Joy to a grieving mother and joy to all those who let Him into their life.

Just an update

On Saturday, we woke up to snow!! The girls had a lot of fun playing in (and apparently eating) the snow. (Sorry, the pictures are out of order...scroll down to see the snow pics.)

While Cory's family was here over Thanksgiving, we took them to our favorite park (that has a 3 mile biking/walking/running trail). Cory, me, Mom, and the girls all went on a bike ride while Dad, Logan, and Becca walked with Roxy. We had a great time, although it is getting a little difficult to lean over this baby in my tummy in order to ride a bike. I should've had someone take a picture so you all could laugh at how dorky I must have looked. I guess I need to post some pregnancy pictures because I only have 8 weeks left!!! After the bike ride, we watched Cory get some one-on-one coaching from his little brother, or as the SVU students know him, "Coach Mann", the new SVU head baseball coach.

I had a doctor's appointment on Monday. Everything looks good. Hailey is 2 lbs. 4 oz (or 14, I can't remember) right now. Passing the 28 week mark was huge for me because that is when Clairisa was born. I was really nervous to go to my appointment on Monday because I was so afraid that something was going to be wrong. But, all is well. I feel great, although I have been chewing on ice like crazy and getting really sleepy during the day but the nurse just called me yesterday to tell me that my test results show that I am anemic, so that explains a lot.

The other night when I was tucking Katelund and Cloey into bed, Cloey asked me, "Mommy, is Hailey going to leave us to go to heaven like "Clairlissa" (that is how the girls say her name) did?" I told her that we never know when we will be sent back to heaven, but I have a feeling that Hailey will stay here with us.

And one more random thing that I just HAVE to share with every mother out there. The other night, Cory and I were doing a google search trying to find a remedy for night coughing (Cloey has had a horrible cough ever since her swine flu vaccine, go figure). We found this crazy idea that is kindof odd, but works AMAZINGLY! You put Vicks Vapo Rub all over the bottom of their feet and then cover them with socks. It seriously works!!! Has anyone else ever heard of this?

Last Day of 28

Yep, tomorrow I will be 28 no longer. I am just so glad that I'll be 29 and not 30. I still have so much that I want to accomplish before I'm 30. I guess I could make a list of everything, but if I were to do that then I'd have to really do them, right? :) I definitely have to run a race in my 29th year. Since I've done quite a few 5ks and one half-marathon (I definitely couldn't do that without my coach, Austyn), I'd like to do a 10k. You probably thought I was going to say a full marathon, didn't you? Nope. Training for a half-marathon took a lot of time. I don't think there is any way I could train for the full thing with a new baby (okay, maybe there is a way but I'm thinking that it is not the way I want to do it). I'm going to be soaking up every moment of finally having a little baby in my arms.

While we had family here over Thanksgiving, I received an early birthday gift. It was such a sweet idea and so I just have to pass it along for others to use or just so you'll know how blessed I was to be married into such an incredibly thoughtful family. They took me into our library and had me sit down in a chair while Cory's Dad rubbed one foot, Logan (Cory's brother) rubbed the other foot, Sherrie massaged one hand, Becca (Logan's beautiful wife) massaged the other hand, and Cory gave me a facial and neck/shoulder massage. While they were doing all of this they each took a turn saying something they loved about me and their fondest memory with me. How sweet is that? Definitely at the top of my list for favorite birthday gifts. The funny thing about it was that they did it all during the half-time of the BYU game.

So Disappointed

Since we moved here about 8 months ago, Cory hooked up our tv to the digital tv box that you can buy at the store. Since doing that, we have had 4 channels. As much as I loved the year that we went without any channels on tv, it has been nice to be able to watch the news (well, I actually don't think I was missing anything there, if anything it is just a harsh reality of what is really going on outside of the bubble world that I live in). I don't watch tons of television, but I do have my favorite shows. One of them being Extreme Home Makeover (we watch it as a family on Sunday night and it makes me cry every time). I also love White Collar, although it is on a channel that we don't have so Cory and I watch it on Hulu. But, the show that I just can't miss is So You Think You Can Dance....at least it used to be, because today I am officially declaring my disgust and rejection of one of my all-time favorite shows.

You have no idea how much I loved this show when it first came out. You see, I have a dream of being a dancer. I LOVED to watch the dances and I was totally in love with every dance that Mia Michael choreographed. I would never miss a show and I would get all giddy when the show started. I don't know if it happened because of my vacation from tv (I may just be more sensitive to it now), or if it just all of the sudden went a different direction, but I swear that the name should now be changed to "So You Think You Can Dance Pornographic?" From the costumes they are wearing to the dances they are performing, I am totally disgusted and put off. Maybe I am being a little too harsh, but I just cannot support a show that portrays dancing in such a seductive and loose way. I really hope that it changes, but I have a feeling that it won't. Has anyone else noticed this? Or is it just me?