Tuesday, October 28, 2014


Usually it is really easy for me to forgive. I consider it a spiritual gift that the Lord has so mercifully given me because it is really hard for me to hold a grudge against people. I may be upset initially but once time has passed, I realize how insignificant the offense was/is and I am able to see their reasonings a little more clearly which allows me to give them the benefit over the doubt and forgiveness will fill my heart. But, there have been a couple of situations and people in my life who it has not been so easy to forgive. They are the ones that have required a lot of time on my knees praying for the Lord to soften my heart as I seek forgiveness. There is a person in my life that I'm struggling to forgive right now. I seriously hate feeling this way about anyone but for whatever reason the hurt feelings just seem to still ache with pain. I don't see this person very often but when I do I feel like I can't get out of the room fast enough. The hurtful actions took place a year ago, which is way too long for me to be harboring them. I just don't know why I can't let it go. About 10 years ago, Cory and I were living in Fayetteville, NC. Our stake president, President Catlett, was one of the most Christ-like men I had ever met. He loved everyone and it didn't matter how busy he was, if he passed you in the hallway, he would stop and talk to you as if you were the most important person in the world. I always looked forward to hearing him speak in stake conference. Cory and I both felt so much love for him. He could speak as bluntly and forcefully as he wanted and we would feel nothing but humility and a desire to do better. He was just that kind of person. I will never forget a particular Saturday night adult session of conference. Cory and I had been fighting previous to the session and as we sat on the bench we would hardly even acknowledge one another (I can't remember for the life of me what we were arguing about but I'm sure it was really dumb). I anxiously awaited for the spirit to soften Cory's heart. I awaited his arm reaching out to me as he softly whispered "I'm sorry" in my ear. Well, that was not what happened at all. I don't remember anything that was said the whole evening, except for one sentence spoken by President Catlett in the very last talk. He said, "Whatever it is that has been said or done to offend you, just let it go." So I did, and so did Cory. At the end of the talk we were back into each other's arms and apologies were offered. I think of this counsel quite often in my life. I have had to use it over and over again. It seems so easy, and yet, at times it is so very difficult to do. How grateful I am for a Savior who not only redeems me from my sins and fallen nature as I sincerely turn to him for help and forgiveness, but he also redeems others from the same. So, I am officially deciding right now to lay this heavy burden of a grudge at his feet, to just let it go and let God purify my heart. I know that as I ask the Savior to heal my heart, the forgiveness will come, not just for the offender but for me as well. Thanks be to God for the gift of His Son.

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