We had to be at the hospital at 6:45 am because the C-section was scheduled for 8:45 am. Once I got there, they took Cory and I into the pre-op room in order to get me set up on the monitor and to get me going on the iv and such. It was a VERY long 2 hours!! So when the nurse came in and told me that they doctor was running late, I was not so happy. But, then when I found out that he was late because some trees in his neighborhood had fallen down and blocked the road, I wasn't quite as irritated. When he finally arrived...at about 9:45, I was SO READY to get going. Cory had to stay in the pre-op room with my mom so that they could get into their gowns and masks while they sent me into the operating room to get the spinal block in me. This was the part that I was the most nervous about. Although the needles for spinals are a lot smaller than they are for epidurals, I was still really nervous because this time I was getting it without being in pain. There is just something okay about them sticking a huge needle in your back when you are contracting and agonizing with pain, but not so much when you are experiencing no pain. The anesthesiologist was super nice and they did a great job. It was funny though because when they had me sit up on the table, I automatically sat indian-style (or to be politically correct...criss cross applesauce). They were all freaking out because they said that they never see that when they ask a pregnant lady to sit up on the table. It felt good to know that although I could hardly walk to Katelund's bus stop without being totally out of breath, at least I could still sit indian-style. :)
As the medicine went into my back I felt a warm sensation go all the way down my legs, which I actually really liked because I was FREEZING!! Then they helped me uncross my legs so they could lay me out on the table. At this point, all modesty went out the door. I won't go into the details, but I will say that I felt more on display with this c-section than I did with my vaginal deliveries because there were like 4 times the number of people in the room. Besides Cory and my mom, there was 16 other nurses/doctors/surgeons, and/or anesthesiologists. The hospital I delivered at is a teaching hospital and they definitely used my surgery as a teaching opportunity because it was a unique case since I had previously had a classical c-section incision. After the really embarrassing parts were over, they put up the "screen" so that I couldn't see what was going on and the surgery began. After a little while, Cory (who was watching the whole thing) asked me, "can you feel that at all?" So not what I wanted to hear at that point. To know that they were cutting me open as I laid there wide awake was pretty surreal. Especially considering the fact that they had my arms and legs strapped down to the table. Good thing there was something in the iv that seemed to make me relax. In fact, I felt more relaxed during the surgery than I had been for days. About half way through the surgery, I started to get a little nervous and I know that Cory could sense it so he reached over and started to massage my scalp (he knows that doing that is the best way to calm me down, and it did). I laid there anxiously awaiting to hear one thing...her cry. The cry that I never got to hear with Clairisa, the cry that I had dreamed about night after night, the cry that would solidify the fact that I had a very alive and healthy baby, the cry that would calm all my fears. When the cry came, the tears from my own eyes began to gush. Her cry was the most beautiful sound I had ever heard. The nurses took her and my mom and Cory rushed over to watch them as they did all of the things that they do to a brand new baby. I could hardly stand it. All I wanted was to see her, to touch her, to hold her in my arms and never let her go. When they finally brought her over to me, I felt a surge of emotions run all through me, but I still just yearned for her body to be laid in my arms, to feel her heartbeat pulsating and bringing new life to my own.
After the best part was over, I had to lay there forever! In fact, I asked my mom how long she though it took for them to stitch me all up and she said, "it took forever". She was sitting on the side of me just trying to focus on the joy of birth instead of the fact that they had just cut open her daughter. Cory, on the other hand, was watching with curious excitement as the doctor took out my uterus in order to show all of the other doctors what a classical c-section incision looks like. Cory's response..."it looks like a chicken". My mom actually got curious enough and finally peeked over and looked at "the chicken". It is kind of weird to know that my husband and mother have seen my uterus and fallopian tubes. In a strange way, I feel a stronger attachment to them both now. After the stitching was finally completed, they wheeled my bed into the recovery room where I was greeted by some of my very people in the whole world, my two beautiful daughters and my in-laws. Then the long-awaited moment arrived, they placed my beautiful baby girl into my arms. It was a moment of great anticipation, emotion, and joy. It was one of those moments where I thought my heart was going to burst open. An experience and moment that words fail to describe or explain. The following hours and days were incredible. Although the nurses forgot about my meds over and over again, my incision stung, the breastfeeding was painful.... it was still incredible!!! I have never felt so much peace and gratitude. In fact, in one of those early morning hours in my hospital bed, as I laid awake staring down at my own little piece of heaven, I felt as if Clairisa's spirit was right there with me, as if the veil was lifted for just a moment and I could feel the love and bond of two beautiful and perfect spirits.
Recovery has been like it always is, difficult, tiresome, and painful...but it has also been one of the best weeks of my life. To have a baby so fresh from heaven in my home is the ultimate healing balm, the greatest gift a mother could ever receive. This Valentines Day was one where I felt not only an increase of love for my beautiful daughters, INCREDIBLY selfless and loving husband, and for one of my greatest heroes...my own mother, but also for my Savior. As I look into Hailey's eyes, I feel His love. I feel the greatest love known to man, a love that can permeate every part of our life and fill our souls with the most incredible joy. Hailey's story is not over, it has only begun, and I have a feeling that her mission is a great one. One that has already begun in her first week of life as she has brought healing and joy to our little family in the most miraculous way.
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