I have really been procrastinating blogging about this last week for many reasons. First of all, I have been a little distracted by a beautiful and perfect little baby girl. Secondly, it is not a quick story...that just doesn't seem to fit my personality (which is why Facebook and I don't quite fit right together). And thirdly, because it is hard to put into words, but I need to at least try because I don't want to ever forget what I have experienced and felt over the last week. So, I am going to break it up into sections. Here is Part I....
The last time that I went to my doctor's office before Hailey was born, I took Cory with me because I wanted him to be there to help me to be tough and to tell the doctor that I really was nervous about waiting until the 12th because I was having so many contractions. But, I didn't even need Cory's help because as the doctor was asking me questions about how often I was having contractions, he immediately decided that we needed to act quicker. He told me that he wanted to deliver in a week (on Thursday the 4th). Well, Cory (who was there to help me get my way) says, "actually, doctor, do you think we could push it back a day to Friday because I will be out of town at a conference all week and I won't be home until early Friday morning." I couldn't believe it!!! I knew that he was supposed to be out of town, but really?? Push the day BACK????!! NO WAY!! Then the doctor said, "well, that should be fine but let me check my schedule first." At this point, I almost went into hysterics. I couldn't believe that they were only concerned about making this work for their schedules. What about me??? After leaving the doctor's office and giving Cory a piece of my mind...I finally agreed that Friday would be okay.
Cory left on Tuesday and oh how the contractions began. I seriously did not know if I was going to make it until Friday. I had Cory give me a priesthood blessing before he left and I begged and pleaded in prayers all week long that I wouldn't go into labor without Cory there. My mom started her drive from Texas on Wednesday, but after hearing about my horrible contraction-filled night on Tuesday (I seriously almost had a panic attack because I was home alone with my girls and had no idea how to even get to the hospital downtown...pretty lame, I know). My mom decided to drive straight through instead of stopping over night so she got to my house Wednesday evening. It was quite a relief to know that she was there just in case something did happen, but I also knew that I did not want to go through this experience without Cory by my side. I needed him with me. I truly believe that the fact that I made it all the way until Friday was a miracle and I know that it was divine intervention, a loving Father in heaven who knew that I needed to have Cory with me. I needed him there for many obvious reasons, but I also needed him there for many other reasons as well. Together we have endured some of the hardest times of our life and in so doing, we have recognized how strong we are when we are together. I know that sounds really cheesy, but it is kindof hard to explain. I had so many emotions that I was dealing with as I was mentally preparing myself to go into that dreaded surgery room. It was in that room that one of my worst fears became a reality and it was into that room where I was once more submitting my baby's life into the hands of a surgeon. I knew that everything would be alright, I had already received that witness, but I still had to deal with all of the anxieties and fears that somehow seem to subconsciously surface when you are placed in situations that are similar to ones that brought such deep emotion and trauma.
My prayers were answered and late Thursday night/early Friday morning, our home was filled with excitement as Cory and his parents both arrived. I could hardly sleep because of all of the thoughts that were racing through my head. To know that in just a short couple of hours, I would finally have a baby in my arms, brought me an overwhelming feeling of joy and excitement, although the fear was still pressing down on my heart. The next morning I woke up at 5 o'clock to get ready. Cory and his dad gave me a blessing and the words that Cory spoke brought me the most incredible feeling of peace and strength. At that point, I knew that there was no reason to fear and every reason to rejoice and soak in each of the unforgettable moments that would follow that blessing.
To be continued....
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