I am officially halfway through. This pregnancy has been very characteristic of the other three. I have had heartburn, nausea, puking, fatigue, charlie horses in my calf, and the ever-expanding waist line...but it has also been very different. I have a blotchy complexion, teenage acne, nausea that will not go away, and some major gagging issues. I have also felt greater levels of fear, peace, strength beyond my own, nervousness, anxiety, overwhelming joy, excitement, and relief. This was the week in my last pregnancy when the bleeding began. There has not been a trace of blood this pregnancy and for that I feel incredibly grateful.
I have a picture that I keep in the back of my YWs binder. I actually cut it out from a calendar that I had last year. It is a picture of the woman who had an issue of blood reaching out to touch the robe of the Savior. When I first saw this picture I fell in love with it because I found myself in her place. I had lost Clairisa and I was still bleeding. I had been bleeding for about 12 weeks but even more than that, I felt as if my heart had been wounded so deeply that it was just gushing out blood and life. At that moment, I felt as if it was me in the picture. It was me who was desperately crying out for help. Reaching out to the One who not only knew exactly what I was going through but who also knew how to heal my bleeding heart. It was in that moment that I fell to my knees and fervently prayed for strength beyond my own. Just like that woman, I too felt and continue to feel of His healing power in my life.
I keep that picture in my binder because I never want to forget. I never want to forget the miracles that took place and the faith that was forged during that time in my life. There have been other times in my life where I have felt as if my heart was being ripped right out of my chest, and I know that there will be many more. After all, that is part of the mortal experience, right? But, I know, just as I knew in that moment, that if I am constantly seeking and reaching out for the Healer, that he will not only heal my heart, but he will also give me the strength to continue onward with unwavering faith and renewed hope.
9 comments:
Wow that was really beautiful.. thank you for sharing that....
I am so inspired by your optimism and faith.
I have a sister in law and brother who had to make the decision to turn off life support after just 2 weeks of time with their first born son. It was heart breaking and extremely crushing. The worst part was watching my desperate sister and brother wading through the deepest sorrow of their life without reaching for help from the Savior.
It is not the easiest decision to choose to accept Gods will and go to Him during our trials, especially when it seems he could have changed the outcome. But it takes a greater faith and humility that is hard to come by. I am sure all your daughters will be blessed by your faithful example and love. I'll be keeping you in our prayers.
What a beautiful post.
I am excited you are half way done! And I am right there with ya with the blotchy skin and teenage acne. Stinks!
Beautiful Melissa- you have a way of conveying feelings and spirit through your words. Thank you.
Sweet Melissa,
Thank you for sharing something that in turn strengthens and renews my faith in our Savior. My thoughts turn to the words from a well-known hymn. "I would be my brothers keeper, I would learn the Healer's art." I think of all those sisters (and brethren) that came to help you during that time. They who knew and exemplified the Healer's art. How does one repay such Christlike act's, except to strive to be more like them, more like Him.
Thank you for sharing more of yourself and your faith. There are days/times when I forget parts of my own journey, the times when I've felt some of what you described here. When I'm reminded, my heart opens and my soul is strengthened as I remember the sustaining love of my Savior. Thanks for reminding me today. :)
Melissa I admire your strength, delovtion and love. I received an email today from a good friend that just miscaried. I hope it is okay with you - I copied your entry and sent it to her. I know she will appreciate your strength.
I got here from the Blogher link, and had to comment, because this post was so touching. I love your hopeful and positive attitude, and how your faith shines through. Beautiful :) Hope you feel better soon!
Hi! I also found you through BlogHer, and have been here before, but had to tell you how lovely this post was. Here's to a successful finale in your pregnancy, rewarded by a sweet, sweet baby. Congrats.
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