Friday, September 11, 2009

The Process of Becoming

Do you remember when you were 17 and you thought that life was so busy and stressful? I do. I remember thinking that it would be so much easier when I was a mom that got to stay home all day and do whatever I wanted to do. I had no idea. Don't get me wrong, I love being a stay-at-home mom and I love to have the freedom of doing whatever I need to do (whether it is mop the floor, read a book, do the laundry, call a friend, or go to the park). It is great, but there is also a lot to balance. I often wonder if I am spending enough time loving my children or too much time disciplining them. Do I spend too much time cleaning and not enough time serving others? Do I focus too much on pushing Katelund to do and be better and not enough time praising her for what she is doing well? Do I give enough attention to Cloey? Do I give enough or too little attention to my calling ( I was just recently called to be the Young Women President)? Do I show enough charity or am I stumbling on my pride (I'm afraid it is more often the later)? Do I do enough as a visiting teacher? Do I pray fervently enough? Do I focus on the best things or do I become preocuppied with good or useless things? Am I doing enough? That is a question that is constantly on my mind.

Last night as I was tucking the girls into bed, they asked me to lay beside them and sing them to sleep. I went through all of my usuals and then I just kept singing. I started singing "I Know that My Redeemer Lives". As I sang the song, my spirit soared within me and I felt overcome with emotion as I once again received the undeniable witness that Jesus Christ is my Redeemer. Alone, I will never be or do enough, but with Him I know I can do and become my very best. For me, the hard part is wanting to become my very best today and becoming overwhelmed and fustrated when I'm not (which has been happening a lot lately). But the process of becoming takes a lifetime and it is not always an easy climb.

When I was student teaching in Kindergarten, I remember complaining to the teacher about how frustrated I was because I would come up with these really cute art projects for the kids but then when they would do them, it would just not look anything like what I had wanted or expected. I'll never forget what she said to me, "Melissa, don't forget that most often the process is more important than the product." That line has become a life lesson for me, whether it is in my calling, with my children, or in my own process of becoming....the process is not easy and not always pretty but it is the most important part because it determines the product....the product of who we have become, or rather, who the Lord helps us to become, after a lifetime of uphill climbing.

6 comments:

Melissa said...

That is EXACTLY how I feel! Especially this past week. I've been trying to find a good balance of things, and enjoy life, especially with my kids instead of trying to "be perfect" at everything I do or want to do. I think balancing is so hard sometimes, when all I want to do is go back to when I was 17, and my parents worried about all the adult things. :)
The girls in your ward will be so blessed!!!! You have the sweetest spirit and strength, and it will be a huge effect on them.

The Allphins said...

Thanks for that great reminder that I just need to trust and rely on the Savior. I too have been feeling very overwhelmed lately with all of the things I need to do. If only I knew how much easier life was when I was 17. I say that now, but I'm not even a mom yet.

Carmen said...

I loved what Sis. Beck had to say at the Ldrship. training I went to in Asheville...
Someone had asked the question, "How do we know when we've done enough?" She said that basically the Lord would let each of us know that, as individuals. That as long as we are striving to do our very best, then he can help us fill in the blanks. (That's not a quote, but in a matter of a few words). I was so glad she said that b/c--I needed to hear it, and I struggle with that on a daily basis.
I also think of that song that Michael Mclean sang at TOFW in May, that says something like, "She doesn't know..." It's amazing, it helps me so much. ():)

Staceroo said...

This was awesome. It made me think about how sometimes balancing isn't about picking one thing over another, it's about where our hearts are. For instance, disciplining is a form of love if your heart is in the right place and you're trying to teach your children consequences to their actions rather than punish them. Cleaning (even your own home) can be a means of serving and creating a haven for your family if done with the correct attitude. And it is possible to praise your children for the potential you see within them as a means of pushing them to develop their talents and excel. If we have the Spirit of the Lord in our lives then we will be able to discern the things of most importance and let the rest fall away.
This post also reminded me of the song, "The Climb" by Miley Cyrus (we're big Hannah Montana fans over here.) It's my theme song lately about not trying to rush onto the next thing. Life is not about arriving somewhere; it's the climb.

J and C said...

That is so beautiful. I am so impressed by the things you are always pondering it helps me to think too, so thanks!

Mandy said...

Ok, why can't I express myself the way you and Stacy do?? That was so well-spoken, Melissa. I often have those thoughts, usually as I kneel to pray at night, but I don't take enough time to ponder in the morning hours as I begin my day, and I think that is key. There is so much to balance, and if we start each day with good intentions and evaluate as we end our day I think we'll be able to tell where we stand and discuss it with our Father in Heaven. YW pres again? You'll be awesome!

Blog Archive