my issue of blood

I am officially halfway through. This pregnancy has been very characteristic of the other three. I have had heartburn, nausea, puking, fatigue, charlie horses in my calf, and the ever-expanding waist line...but it has also been very different. I have a blotchy complexion, teenage acne, nausea that will not go away, and some major gagging issues. I have also felt greater levels of fear, peace, strength beyond my own, nervousness, anxiety, overwhelming joy, excitement, and relief. This was the week in my last pregnancy when the bleeding began. There has not been a trace of blood this pregnancy and for that I feel incredibly grateful.

I have a picture that I keep in the back of my YWs binder. I actually cut it out from a calendar that I had last year. It is a picture of the woman who had an issue of blood reaching out to touch the robe of the Savior. When I first saw this picture I fell in love with it because I found myself in her place. I had lost Clairisa and I was still bleeding. I had been bleeding for about 12 weeks but even more than that, I felt as if my heart had been wounded so deeply that it was just gushing out blood and life. At that moment, I felt as if it was me in the picture. It was me who was desperately crying out for help. Reaching out to the One who not only knew exactly what I was going through but who also knew how to heal my bleeding heart. It was in that moment that I fell to my knees and fervently prayed for strength beyond my own. Just like that woman, I too felt and continue to feel of His healing power in my life.

I keep that picture in my binder because I never want to forget. I never want to forget the miracles that took place and the faith that was forged during that time in my life. There have been other times in my life where I have felt as if my heart was being ripped right out of my chest, and I know that there will be many more. After all, that is part of the mortal experience, right? But, I know, just as I knew in that moment, that if I am constantly seeking and reaching out for the Healer, that he will not only heal my heart, but he will also give me the strength to continue onward with unwavering faith and renewed hope.

life is good

I'm feeling the baby move all of the time...

today is the start of fall...

Standards Night (this last Sunday) was a success...

I've got some good ideas for YW in Excellence...

Katelund's attitude has greatly improved lately...

the leak in our basement is fixed...

I think I see a little bit of the sun today...

Cory gave me an awesome pedicure last night...

preschool went well today...

...did I mention that I am feeling the baby move all of the time? All of the other things are good, but the baby moving is making life wonderful.

sick of the rain

Seriously, what is the deal with all of the rain???? I know that I shouldn't complain too much because there may be someone out there who has been praying for the rain, but too much of a good thing is no longer a good thing, right? I usually love Saturdays. We spend the day together as a family doing yard work, bike riding, playing at the park, anything and everything that involves being outdoors and being together. Today we are just stuck at home.

I did have a very successful trip to Goodwill this morning and got a cute maternity shirt (which was actually pretty amazing since apparently only three people donate maternity clothes to the Goodwill here) and I also got 16 books for $4!!! Sweet! I love getting children's books. When Cory's mom and I used to thrift store shop together in Fayetteville, we would literally walk in the doors of the store and race each other to the bookshelves to see who could find the best children's books. And just so you know, I don't settle for just any book. It has to be a really cute book in really good condition in order for me to buy it because I already have so many at home.

On to other news, last night I swear I heard a man say "ow" really loud in the middle of the night. This is what was running through my head; "oh no, there is a man in our house coming after the girls and he just tripped on something." I immediately woke Cory up. He grabbed his gun and started searching the house (I think this is like the 4th or 5th time since living here that I have frantically woke him up in the night to search the house b/c I saw or heard someone). I think I must be going crazy. Or maybe he is the one that is crazy b/c he was the one walking around the house with a gun (don't worry, it was unloaded). When he was out of town earlier this week, I swear a saw a little child standing beside my bed. When I sat up to look closer, he or she was gone. Wierd huh? Yep, I definitely think I'm going crazy (and now so do you).

And last but not least, there are officially 4 more days until fall begins! YEAH!!! I love the fall. It is definitely my favorite season ever!

Mommy Preschool

For the last 5 weeks, Cloey has been going to preschool, or as the kids like to call it "Mommy Preschool". She seriously LOVES it!! I think the only thing she doesn't like about it is the fact that it isn't everyday. My friend, Celeste, started a joy school with me and 5 other moms who also have 4 year olds. We rotate teaching every 5 weeks and we have it every Tuesday and Thursday from 9-12:30. I started my teaching rotation today. It was so much fun!!! I could hardly sleep last night because I just couldn't stop thinking about how I was going to do everything. Although there were a couple of little things that I will do differently on Tuesday, it turned out great. Today and next week, I am teaching about the five senses. Today I gave them a taste testing with some random foods. I put them all in cups and then put tin foil over the top so they wouldn't know what it was I was feeding them. Then they would glue the color of square that matched the food on their chart to graph which foods they loved, liked, or did not like. It was hilarious to see some of their reactions to cottage cheese. Anyways, I could go on and on about it. I am so excited to teach again on Tuesday. It just makes me realize how much I miss teaching children. I love the youth, but there is just something about the look in a child's eyes when they discover something new or get excited about something you do. It's the best.

On another note, I want to wish my mom (in-law) a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! I love her SO MUCH!!!! She truly is one of my best friends!!! Her and my mom are the greatest examples and influences on my life. I couldn't imagine my life without either one of them. Happy 32nd (she is actually 52 but nobody believes it) birthday!!!!

Rewind Please!

It is 9:30 pm and I am totally having a pity party all by myself. It has just been one of those days where things were just so crazy. I just felt like I was running with my head cut off from one thing to the next. Wake up at 5 am because Cloey peed in her bed (something she rarely ever does) and then wake up again at 6:30 because I feel something wet in my bed (apparently she didn't get it all out in her bed). Take all the sheets off the beds, scrub our mattress, and start the laundry. Drag Katelund out of bed, get her to school on time (she goes really slow in the mornings), come home write up my agenda for presidency meeting, take Cloey to school, stay and watch for a little bit since I will be taking over on Thursday (Cloey is doing a Joy school this year. There are 7 kids and each of the moms are teaching for 5 weeks at a time...Cloey LOVES it!!!), run to presidency meeting (okay not run, but I did drive way too fast), run (again, I mean drive quickly) to pick up Cloey, go home and make lunch. Clean up the house, tell Cloey to go play by herself so I can work on some YW stuff, pick up Katelund at bus stop, go to store to pick up ingredients for dinner, get totally annoyed at my children because they want me to buy everything they see at the store and they kept getting in and out of the cart, make dinner as fast as I can to take to the missionaries by 5:00 (made broccoli soup and it turned out not so good) . On the way to the missionaries, stop at the end of the street because there in the middle of the road is Cloey's missing shoe (don't even ask). Drive home quickly because Katelund is dying of starvation, do dishes while Katelund works on homework (which takes at least an hour every night) and then get frustrated with her because she is not focusing, put sheets on all the beds, go through bedtime routine, sing a million songs to try and get Katelund to go to sleep, and then call Cory (he is out of town for business). Then after I thought things were settled down so I could finish a book I'm reading for book club next week, Katelund peeks into my room. What followed just topped off my bad mom moments for the day. I got upset at her for still being up at 9 pm and told her to get in her bed and go to sleep. She then begins crying and telling me how I'm always getting upset with her and she feels like she is always in trouble when she's home. I apoligized, held her in my bed until she fell asleep, and then just cried. I hate it when at the end of the day I realize what a horrible mother I have been. I hate it when I get so caught up in the things that I need to do that I forgot the tender feelings of my little girls and I forget that my main responsiblity is to nurture and love them. If only I could push rewind.

Roxy Withdrawl

Over Labor Day weekend, we were asked to puppy sit for Logan and Becca while they drove down to Texas for the BYU vs OU game (YEAH COUGARS!!!). I was very hesitant to agree because....well just look at the pictures, they say it all. I knew that my girls would be totally smitten and begging for their own puppy once she left. Well I was right, except for one thing. Not only were they totally smitten....so were Cory and I. I think she was treated more like a baby than a dog. Between Katelund, Cloey, and I she was held almost 24/7. If only they had puppy diapers, that would have made the visit perfect. :) We had so much fun playing with her. It was really hard for the girls to say goodbye, in fact, I think I even wiped a tear away.

Good thing she'll be coming back to visit at Thanksgiving. We can hardly wait...oh and we're excited to have Becca and Logan come too. :)

The Process of Becoming

Do you remember when you were 17 and you thought that life was so busy and stressful? I do. I remember thinking that it would be so much easier when I was a mom that got to stay home all day and do whatever I wanted to do. I had no idea. Don't get me wrong, I love being a stay-at-home mom and I love to have the freedom of doing whatever I need to do (whether it is mop the floor, read a book, do the laundry, call a friend, or go to the park). It is great, but there is also a lot to balance. I often wonder if I am spending enough time loving my children or too much time disciplining them. Do I spend too much time cleaning and not enough time serving others? Do I focus too much on pushing Katelund to do and be better and not enough time praising her for what she is doing well? Do I give enough attention to Cloey? Do I give enough or too little attention to my calling ( I was just recently called to be the Young Women President)? Do I show enough charity or am I stumbling on my pride (I'm afraid it is more often the later)? Do I do enough as a visiting teacher? Do I pray fervently enough? Do I focus on the best things or do I become preocuppied with good or useless things? Am I doing enough? That is a question that is constantly on my mind.

Last night as I was tucking the girls into bed, they asked me to lay beside them and sing them to sleep. I went through all of my usuals and then I just kept singing. I started singing "I Know that My Redeemer Lives". As I sang the song, my spirit soared within me and I felt overcome with emotion as I once again received the undeniable witness that Jesus Christ is my Redeemer. Alone, I will never be or do enough, but with Him I know I can do and become my very best. For me, the hard part is wanting to become my very best today and becoming overwhelmed and fustrated when I'm not (which has been happening a lot lately). But the process of becoming takes a lifetime and it is not always an easy climb.

When I was student teaching in Kindergarten, I remember complaining to the teacher about how frustrated I was because I would come up with these really cute art projects for the kids but then when they would do them, it would just not look anything like what I had wanted or expected. I'll never forget what she said to me, "Melissa, don't forget that most often the process is more important than the product." That line has become a life lesson for me, whether it is in my calling, with my children, or in my own process of becoming....the process is not easy and not always pretty but it is the most important part because it determines the product....the product of who we have become, or rather, who the Lord helps us to become, after a lifetime of uphill climbing.

My 6 year old

Katelund turned 6 on August 10th, the day that we left for Utah. We tried really hard to make it a special day for her, but it is a little hard when you spend the entire day on the road. Before we left, we had our traditional pancake birthday breakfast and opened presents and then once we were on the road we stopped in the afternoon and got her a shake at Sonic and let her listen to whatever music she wanted, but I still think she was feeling kinda jipped. But no worries, because Aunt Amber knew just what to do. She planned a suprise Hello Kitty birthday party for her when she got to Utah. I think it was the best birthday party she has ever had because she actually had cousins, grandparents, great grandparents, aunts, and uncles there. After the birthday cake, hamburger donuts from Lehi Bakery, and presents, we went and spent the rest of the day at the water park. It was so much fun and Katelund is still talking about how much she loved her birthday party. Thanks Aunt Amber (oh except for the loud and obnoxious gifts that you and Brittney so kindly got for her)!!

The boy of my dreams...

Yesterday afternoon Cory called me and asked me what I was planning for dinner. I told him that we were having fish (talapia is one of my favorites!!!), rice, corn, and tomatoes. Then he asked me if I could start the rice at 4 so that we could eat at 5 when he got home. I told him I would and then I got off the phone a little confused. Was he trying to tell me something? Am I not getting dinner on the table fast enough for him when he gets home or what? I let go of my pride and decided that if he is really hungry when he gets home from a long day at work then I should be more than willing to start dinner a little earlier (usually I am still trying to decide what meal to cook by the time 5 rolls around). Anyways, he got home and ran to his bedroom. Then he came out dressed really hot and told me to eat dinner and get ready while he goes to get the babysitter because we are going on a date. I couldn't have been more suprised or excited! Not only were we going on a date (which has been long over due) but he had also arranged it all, babysitter and everything, without me knowing. I was SO EXCITED!!! It was so good and so fun to be on a date with the boy that I fell in love with so many years ago. On August 19th, we celebrated our 9th anniversary. We did nothing spectacular, but I did realize something incredibly spectacular....after 9 years of ups and downs, I can honestly say that I am more in love with him today than I have ever been. He truly was and is the boy and man of my dreams.

Stefani and Nate's Wedding

It is hard to know where to start. Life has been good but very busy. So instead of doing a whirlwind post, I decided to start with our trip to Utah for Stefani and Nathan's wedding. We drove the 28 hours and actually had a lot of fun doing it. There were priceless moments along the way as Katelund and Cloey saw different parts of the country and savored every moment of it. For example, as we were driving through Nebraska at 6 am in the morning (we drove straight throught) Katelund woke up and as she saw the sunrise she said, "Wow, this is the most beautiful land I've ever seen." I think that the girls favorite part was the "moving hotel". We layed the seats down in the van so that they could sleep laying down and with their seatbelts on. It worked perfectly. Cory and I made a big deal about how fun it was going to be to sleep in our moving hotel. They totally bought in, and to this day Cloey will tell you that it was her favorite part of the trip.

Being in the temple with all of Cory's family was amazing!!! It is moments like those where you can see glimpses of eternity. The whole wedding was incredible and so was the reception. All I can say is Amber (my sister-in-law) is AMAZING!!! Have you ever seen the Friends episode where Monica is the maid of honor for Phoebe? Well that was Amber. She was incredible and had worked so hard for like 6 months to pull it off. The reception was held outside at a park across from Mt. Timpanogas Temple. We did all of the decorating, food, etc. It was tons of work but we had so much fun doing it! I'll have to post some pictures of how beautiful it looked.

One of the best parts of the trip was seeing the girls have so much fun with all of their cousins. It really is a bitter sweet thing to watch. Your happy they have so much fun together but your sad because you know that it is only like a once in a year thing. I really do not like living so far from family. It is really sad to know that between Cory and I's siblings, we cover every time zone in the U.S.

Unfortunately, our time was so packed with wedding preparation and partying that we didn't get hardly any spare time to visit other relatives and friends in Utah. It was so hard driving back home knowing all of the people that I wish I could've seen while I was there. I guess that is just how it goes sometimes, I guess we'll just have to go back.

On Sunday, we took the girls and two of their cousins to Temple Square. We went on a tour of the Conference Center and everything. We had way too much fun toting around 4 little girls. I'm thinking this may be a sign of things to come....the doctor thinks that we may be having another little girl. Seriously? What is up with the boy genes in my husband? I'm totally blaming it on him. But....there is still a chance because he (yes, I am calling the baby he) was in a difficult position to really see "the part" that we wanted to see. Either way, we'll be happy. But, I'd really like to do the boy thing someday. Okay, enough for now. I'll update more tomorrow.

I'M BACK....

....and I have so much to say!!! Where do I even begin? I guess since it is 11:13 pm and I stayed up until 1 am last night (I couldn't sleep b/c of my obnoxious coughing and because my mind was whirling with ideas for the latest project I've been working on), I better just say goodnight and start my catching up tomorrow. But, I just had to post something!!! I took a much needed break from the virtual world, but I am very happy to be back.