Beginning and Ending With Two

The other day, Cory and I took a trip to the grocery store with all of our children. It is not something we do quite as often as we used to, but that is because things get out of control rather quickly. Our older girls tell us everything that we need to buy and why. Then we have Hailey who wants to run around the store, get in the cart, get out of the cart, put everything on the shelf into the cart, etc. Then there is sweet little Makayla who is usually an angel in the store, but not this time. Needless to say, by the time we got back to our van, we had four unhappy children. As Cory and I wrestled the little ones into their car seats we turned and looked at each other. As our eyes met and our wordless conversation took place, we both started laughing. It seems like we've been parents forever, but it also feels like just yesterday it was only me and him. I love being a mother but I also look forward everyday to those precious hours (sometimes minutes) when the girls are all asleep and it is just the two of us. I love and cherish those moments. Someday it will just be the two of us once again....a dinner for two, a movie for two. It seems so strange to think about life without kids, all around me, and as much as I'll miss them and worry about them, I'm SO grateful to know that I have all those years to spend with my very best friend.

Mountain Biking with Cory is NO JOKE!!

What November Looks Like in Our Home

There are a lot of blogs out there that have REALLY cute and great ideas for celebrating the seasons. Unfortunately, I am not one of those blogs, but I do celebrate and decorate in my own, not as amazing, way. So here are some things that we have going on around our house...

Picture 1....For Family Night, we started a grateful chain. We had a lesson on "living with Thanksgiving daily" and what that means. Then we started our chain. Each night, the girls, Cory, and I all add a link that says what we're thankful for that day. We turn the paper so that we cannot read what each other wrote when it is hanging on the chain. On Thanksgiving day, we are going to read all the links aloud. This has been really fun for the girls, and I think it's a tradition we will keep. Picture 2....These blocks were sent to me about 4 years ago from my sister-in-law Amber. I LOVE them!! I put them out each year, but this year I found that I was missing the S in thanks, and I also think Makayla or Hailey ripped off the K. Oh well, it still reminds me to "give thanks" and also reminds me of my sweet sister and friend who is always thinking and giving to others. Picture 3....No home decor would be complete without children's artwork!!!! Picture 4....Of course I can't forget the pinterest project that I started a month ago that is still not finished. Someday I'll finish it and it will be adorable! :) Picture 5....This is our family "scripture board". I write new quotes and/or scriptures on it every week or two. Sometimes I talk about it with my girls and other times I just write it up there and let them read it on their own. You've got to immerse them in the scriptures in every way possible right? :) Picture 6....When Jenae was here visiting, we took a trip to Ikea where I got this adorable lantern. The decorating ideas are endless and I'm so excited to rotate what's inside for each season.

Running: A Metaphor for Motherhood

The other week I had a horrible run. It seemed as if each and every step was torturous and tedious, especially near the end. On runs like that, I just want to throw in the towel, go home, crawl back in bed, and never run again. I'm not sure why I sometimes have runs like that, because most of the time I really enjoy running. Awhile back, I was running on some pretty old shoes. Well, they were only a year old, but as far as how many miles I'd ran in them, they definitely needed to be retired. The biggest problem with running in shoes that are worn out is that they no longer provide the support that your foot needs, especially on long runs. Consequently, I came home from most all of my runs feeling sore and achy. Throughout the day, my shins would sting from pain and it made running that much harder. I dreaded my runs because I knew that I was going to be in pain the rest of the day. Finally, I broke down and bought new shoes (it is SO hard for me to spend so much money on shoes, especially when they are for me). It was worth every single penny spent (which was A LOT of pennies by the way). It made running enjoyable again and as I ran my half-marathon (that I had been dreading), I run with ease and enjoyed every single moment of it. I even ran faster than I'd ever ran in a race as I averaged just a little over 8:30 minute/miles for all 13 miles. It felt great. I sprinted at the end and felt like I could've kept going (maybe even another 13). But, the last half-marathon I did in February DID NOT feel like that. It was so difficult and it took every ounce of will power within me to keep running. If you talk to any runner, they will tell you that on some runs you just hit a brick wall, a point where you feel like you are going to die if you take one more step. But, on the other hand, they will also tell you about the runner's high. I don't always experience this, but frequently I do. I usually always get it between miles 4-5 and then again around miles 9-10. I LOVE it when I feel a runner's high. Whenever I get one, I always get chills that run all up and down my arms and I feel amazing inside. I get really excited, filled with energy, and determined to accomplish anything and everything. If only I could bottle that feeling and pull it out on the runs that feel like utter and complete torture.------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Motherhood is SO very similar in my opinion. Some days are just horrible. For example, the other day I had one of those days. It was filled with temper tantrums from all four of my children, lots of time outs, screaming and yelling (mostly from me), anger and frustration (again, mostly me), eggs broken on the patio outside because Hailey just wanted to see what would happen, spilled sticky cranberry juice (that is very expensive by the way, but I bought it to help with Katelund's UTI she has AGAIN), peanut butter all over the floor and all over Makayla's clothes, hair, and face (Hailey said Makayla was hungry so she climbed into the cupboard, got it down, and opened it up for her), forgotten homework that Katelund and I spent FOREVER on the day before, Cloey telling me that I was the meanest mother ever (which was probably true that day), a missed visiting teach appointment, a new recipe for dinner that was a disaster, and a husband who borrowed a friend's X box to come home and play the new Halo game all night (REALLY??? Haven't you out grown those stupid games yet?!?!). Yep, it was one of those days where I just wanted to throw in the towel, LEAVE my home, go to a hotel, and sleep until my children had grown up and moved out. But then, there are those other days. Days where life just couldn't get any better. When my children are obedient, sweet, loving, and my house is perfectly clean and organized (oh wait, those days are only in my dreams) :) But really, there are other days that things are just wonderful and even when disaster strikes (because it is pretty much a daily occurance), it's okay and life is still pretty much perfect. I'm so grateful for days like that. Days where I have an incredible teaching moment with my older girls, or days where I accomplish a zillion things and still have time to make a delicious dinner. And of course I can't forget days where my house is a complete mess but life just couldn't get any better because I spent the day playing on the ground or at the park with my babies. Those are the days I live for. The days that remind me that it's all worth it.----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The best part of a race is knowing that the finish line is just ahead. That is the part of the race when your adrenaline kicks in and you start sprinting because you know that you have finished and completed the race of your life. In motherhood, the ultimate finish line is not in this lifetime. But, there are glimpses and reminders of the victory ahead each night as I kiss their sweet sleeping faces and remember how much I love being a mother. In my closet, I have gold medals hanging from a hook that remind me of the races I've ran and the races that are still ahead. They remind me of why I love to run and keep me motivated to push through the hard times as I remember the highs and joys that will surely come. In motherhood, the rewards are usually not seen with the eyes, but instead, felt with the heart. These rewards are the ones that give purpose and meaning to my life. They are the ones that push me to become better and remind me that there is nothing of more importance. The lows and highs of motherhood shape us into the women we are destined to be. They give us opportunities to stretch, grow, and sacrifice. They teach us how to love completely and unconditionally. Motherhood truly is a divine and noble work. One that I wouldn't trade for anything in the world.

Piano, Mitt Romney, Martin Luther King, and the Wizard of Oz

On Saturday, Katelund and Cloey will be performing in a city-wide talent show that they auditioned for a couple of weeks ago. They will both be playing the piano. Katelund is playing Book of Mormon Stories (a simplified version) and Cloey will be playing Counting to Christmas. When they first told me they wanted to audition I was a little hesitant. I was afraid that they didn't know the songs well enough and that they would be too afraid to perform in front of a big audience, but then I remembered what keeps coming to my mind over and over again....I NEED TO TEACH MY CHILDREN TO HAVE COURAGE. So they auditioned, they made it, and their debut performance is in two days. I am so proud of them. I am so proud of Katelund for trying out and making a club at school where she is involved in doing the daily announcements (she rotates between being the news anchor, the weather girl, or the producer....it's SUCH a great club and I'm loving the experience she is having). I believe that of all the things that I can and should teach my girls, courage is right near the top of the list. Courage to do hard things. Courage to choose the right. Courage to stand out. Courage to be different. Courage to say no. Courage to stand alone. In the world that we live in, courage is an attribute that is essential.-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Yesterday was a hard day for many people as our dreams and anticipation for a new president were crushed. I believe that Mitt Romney was definitely the man for the job and I'm so disappointed that he won't get that opportunity. Some may feel that his campaign was a failure or that he failed by not getting the majority vote. No, he did not become the new president, but I believe that his campaign was a success. As he stood in front of hundreds of thousands of people all around the country and as he debated on live television, he stood out because he had courage. He had courage to stand up for what he believed in, even when he must have known that it would lose him votes. He had courage to declare his beliefs. As he stood there and declared to all the citizens of this great country that we are all children of God and that the only way to eliminate violence is in the home with a mother and a father, I couldn't have felt prouder. He didn't tell people what they wanted to hear (in fact, he told a lot of people what they didn't want to hear), he told the truth and testified of doctrine. He had courage.---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Just as Martin Luther King had a dream, so do I. I have a dream that my children and their children's children will have courage. Courage to make a difference in the world, even and especially within the walls of their own homes. Courage to stand up for truth and testify of doctrine, even when they are standing all alone. Courage to do and try hard things as they remember that success is not determined on the product as much as in the process. The process that shapes and molds character. I also have a dream that my children's courage will not only show them the way but will also become a source of light for others to follow. That as they courageously stand up for the right and boldly testify of Christ, their influence will be felt upon those who are afraid or who are searching for a better way.-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The other day I was thinking about the movie Wizard of Oz and all the truth and symbolism within it. We are also on a journey back to our home. As we follow the teachings of Jesus Christ and hold onto the iron rod of His word, we will find ourselves on the yellow brick road. The road that will lead us to where we want to go. The road that will lead us to He who is the giver of all gifts, even the gifts of of wisdom, courage, and love. And eventually, the road will lead us to our heavenly home and we will rejoice together as we remember that truly, there really is no place like home.

Hero Series: Post # 5

"For this child I prayed." -1 Samuel 1:27 I have absolutely no idea what it would be like to pray for a son as Hannah did. I have no way of knowing what it must have felt like to know that my womb was barren and that the chance of me having a child was nonexistent in this life. The scope and magnitude of this type of trial is incomprehensible to me, but I can imagine that the pain and sorrow that accompanies it must be devastating and agonizing. From a distance, I have watched my aunt and uncle experience this type of pain and I have joined many in praying for an opportunity to arise that would allow them to have a child. All though I pleaded to the Lord on their behalf, I'm sure that my prayers and pleading were nothing in comparison to the hundreds and thousands of prayers, tears, and sleepless nights they had experienced. All though it was difficult to watch my aunt and uncle go through this trial, the depth of their pain was just something I couldn't even fathom, something that probably most people cannot even fathom. A little over a year ago, Jenae entered my life. She had me at hello. :) Our friendship was easy and natural, as if we had been friends forever (actually, I'm pretty sure we have). As we began running together (just a couple weeks after we first met), her story began to unfold. It was a story of heartbreak, despiration, pleading, and agony as she and her husband found out that their chance of conceiving, without medical intervention, was impossible. I have no clue what it would be like to hear this sort of news, but I do know that Jenae, and her husband, were not about to give up on having children. Awhile later, they adopted their first son, Jamis. The story of how this came to be is nothing short of a miracle. It testifies to me of not only the power of prayer, but also that the Lord has a plan. His plan may not always look the way we think it will or should look, but in the end, I believe that we will see how perfectly it all fits together and how precisely it all plays out. Jamis may not look like Jenae and Devon but I cannot imagine him with anybody else. It is absolutely undeniable that Jamis is, and always was and will be, theirs. I have always wondered what it would be like to adopt a child. I imagined that it would be very difficult, but when I watch Jenae, I don't see difficult, I see a mother who is completely head over heels in love with her little boy. I'm sure that as she lays him in bed at night, she has found tears filling her eyes and her lips trembling as she has repeated the same prayer of gratitude and joy as Hannah did so many many years ago, "For this child I prayed." But, her story does not end there. Two years ago, Jenae found out that she the was pregnant. Again, it was nothing short of an absolute miracle (including 5 surgeries and two rounds of IVF....and A LOT OF MONEY!!!) Devon is in his seventh year of schooling as a plastic surgeon. So not only was it a HUGE amount of money (like way more than you can imagine), but even more so to a couple who has sacrificed, scrimped, and saved like crazy in order to pay for all of the financial obligations that come with medical school, internships, residency, etc. But, when you talk to Jenae about that part of it, she testifies of the Lord's tender and abundant mercies. (click here and you can read her own words...scroll down to June 30, 2010) Jaxon is an absolute modern medical miracle. He is completely head over heels in love with his mother, more so than any other child I've ever seen. I often wonder if part of that is because he knows the kind of woman he was sent to. The kind of mother who would give ANYTHING and EVERYTHING to have a child. About 17 weeks ago, Jenae called to tell me she was pregnant again. I knew that she had once again started her infertility treatments, but there is always that chance that nothing will come of it. To say that I was super excited would be an understatement. I just cried and cried. But, I'm sure that my joy was nothing compared to theirs. Without getting too personal, I'll just say that the infertility treatments and the surgery required for Jenae and Devon to have a child is more than the average infertility plan. The sacrifices and experiences they have gone through in order to conceive are not only a modern miracle but are also selfless, inspiring, and humbling. This last week, Jenae and her boys came out to visit us while our husbands were out mountain biking in Moab, Utah for a boys' trip. We had SO MUCH FUN!!! I absolutely love spending time with Jenae, but this time I was able to experience something incredible. I have seen many women pregnant. I have heard the cries and complains that come from pregnancy, in fact, I have uttered them MANY many times. I have also seen the excitement and joy that comes from being part of the incredible miracle that is taking place within. BUT.....I have never been quite so humbled as I have been as I watched Jeane. It was in the moments that she didn't know I was watching as she would gently place her hand on her belly. It was in the glow that radiated from her face as she would speak of the child within her. It was in the unspoken, unwritten, indescribable way that she would proudly walk into a room and have all eyes look at her....as if somehow they knew that not only was she special, but that the life within her was one of the greatest miracles of our time. Jenae is my hero for many many reasons. But, the one of which I will never be the same, is for the way that she has shown me what a blessing and gift pregnancy and motherhood truly is.

What's for dinner?

I have really been putting forth a huge effort the last couple of months to meal planning and trying new things. Some nights are more successful than others, but at least my family is fed every day right? Last night I made the most delicious creamy chicken noodle soup along with some really easy, delicious, and FAST dinner rolls. Of course almost all of my recipes are from my favorite food blog EVER The Sisters' Cafe. My really good friend, Melanie, and her sisters started it and I have loved everything I've ever tried on it (and I've tried A LOT on it). Here is another one I tried recently that I love...Frank's Red Hot Chicken Salad and another one...Frozen Burritos (I actually make this and keep them in my freezer for the girls to take to lunch, Cory to take to work, or for nights when that's all we have time for. They are so delicious!!! You'll never want to eat a store bought frozen burrito again.) For some reason the links aren't all showing up in gray, but if you click on the name of the meal it will link you over to the recipe.

Some little girls like to play pretend with their kitchen...

But my little girl just uses it as another way to climb higher.

My Running Story

I started running about seven years ago in the fall of 2005. My very first 5k was a Turkey Trot two years later on Thanksgiving Day. Since then I have ran 3 5ks, soon to be 3 half-marathons (my race is in less than 2 weeks), and 1 marathon. Running was not something that I have always loved. When I was in junior high, I decided that I wanted to be on the track team. I'm not really sure why, other than the fact that I was all about trying and doing everything. I was not very good. I ran the mile (which I remember being very disappointed about because I REALLY wanted to run the hurdles...which is pretty funny considering the fact that I hardly ever jumped over one without knocking it down). I remember my very first and last track meet. I ran the mile and I came in dead last. Yep, I was officially done with my running career...or so I thought. When I was in high school, I was on the tennis team. For our work-outs, we would have to run a mile lap around our school. I thought it was absolute torture. Occasionally in high school, I would go "running" in my neighborhood, but I'm pretty sure I would only go about 1/2 mile before calling it quits. Now fast forward to 2005. I had just had Cloey and I was desperate to get my baby weight off. So, I decided to start "running" again. I was very slow and I'm pretty sure that I walked way more than I ever ran, but before too long, I was actually starting to enjoy it. Once we moved to Asheville, I got a little more serious about it. I started regularly running in the mornings and I would usually go about 2-3 miles at a time. I loved running in Asheville. It was absolutely gorgeous and with two small children at home, it became my escape. Then my grandpa (who was the greatest and most dedicated runner ever) got sick with leukemia, it was in our very last phone conversation before he passed away that I made an absolutely crazy promise to him. I told him that since he couldn't run anymore that I'd run for him, in fact, I'd even run a marathon for him someday. I couldn't believe the words had escaped my mouth, but they did and because they did I knew that I had a new goal. It was a little while later that I became good friends with Austyn, who was and always had been a serious runner. We started running together. I love the memories I have of running with her. We decided to run a half marathon together. A couple of weeks into our training, she found out that she and her husband would be moving to New York City for a job. I was so disappointed. She would be gone before the date of our half-marathon, so we decided to do one in Asheville right before she moved. We mapped out the course and made it all official. We even got matching shirts to wear. Her husband video-tapped the whole thing. He would drive to a location, shoot some video, give us gatorade and water, and then drive to the next spot and wait for us there. It was so sweet. Austyn sent me the video a little while after she moved. I love that video, it brings back so many great memories. Once Austyn moved, I found out I was pregnant with Clairisa so my running was put on hold. A little while later, we moved to Chattanooga. I didn't start running after losing Clairisa. In fact, I didn't start running again until after I had Makayla. I walked some in between Hailey and Makayla, but I never really got into running during that short time. After Makayla was born, I knew it was time again. I needed to get into it and I needed a friend to run with. Jenae had just moved into our ward and somehow (total inspiration) I knew that she was going to be my new running buddy. I asked her, she said yes, and our 5:30 am running adventure began. We started training for a half and then decided to go ahead and go all out and do a marathon. Stephanie joined in on our fun and the rest is history. Moving to Texas was hard for many reasons but one of the biggest reasons was losing my running partners. I really missed them and I hated running alone. But I did. I have continued running and I've even found some new great friends to run with here. Just last Wednesday, for our laurel activity, we began training as a class for a 5k that we are running together in December. The girls are so excited about it but they all have quite a ways to go. None of them are runners and they are all beginning at square one. As I ran with them, I realized how far I have come. I remember being where they are. I remember running 60 seconds and thinking I was going to die. I remember counting down the seconds until I could start walking again. I remember feeling completely overwhelmed by three miles. But, now here I am seven years later. I love running (except for recently because I've had HORRIBLE shin splints...I'm waiting for new shoes to come in the mail any day). I love the whole experience. I even enjoy running by myself. I listen to conference as I run, I listen to upbeat music, I think, I pray, I ponder, I do whatever it is I want to do. I love being a mother, but somedays are just plain hard, frustrating, monotonous, and never-ending. But, when I start my day out with a morning run, everything seems so much easier and much more manageable. It is my escape. It's funny how something that I used to think I could never do or never wanted to do, has become one of the things that I don't know how I could ever do without. So I'll continue running...running for my Grandpa, running for my children, and running for me.

Hero Series: Post #4

Today Cory came home from ward choir practice and told me that they were singing one of my favorite songs, "Each Life that Touches Ours For Good". I love this song because I feel SO INCREDIBLY blessed and grateful for the opportunity I have had to live in so many places where so many people have touched my life and left me a better person. One of those people is a lady named Carolyn. I have actually written about her before on my blog. I was her visiting teacher for a little under a year. I cannot even begin to tell you how much I love this woman, or how much my children love her. When I first started visiting teaching her I felt a little nervous because I wasn't sure how she was going to feel about me brining two little ones into her home each month. Well, my nerves were quickly pushed away as she openly embraced them and got so excited to have little children in her home once again. Carolyn is full of life and love. She has gone through some very hard and lonely times as she lost her husband and son to cancer. Her daughter and her grandchildren live over seas. As I learned more and more about her, I realized how important it was for me to be a faithful visiting teacher because she needed me. She needed someone to check in on her every week. She needed someone close by that she knew she could count on. She needed someone to frequently wrap their arms around her and tell her that they loved her. But the funny thing is that the longer I knew her the more I realized that it was actually me that needed her. She taught me so many things. Here are a few.....1. She taught me to enjoy my children. She would always be so patient, loving, and kind to my children. My older girls LOVED to go visit her. I swear that every time I went over there she had something for me to take home to my girls. She loved them. She would frequently remind me to treasure them and enjoy each day with them. 2. She taught me to value what may seem invaluable. Having a big family means that you are constantly trying to get rid of stuff and clean out the clutter that seems to continually build. I have become very picky about the things that I let my girls have/or keep because it just means one more thing that I'm going to have to clean up/wash/or try and get rid of without them noticing. One day when we were visiting, the girls were commenting on some decorative straw hats that Carolyn had hanging on her wall. She immediately took them off her wall, dusted them off, and told them to take them home and play dress up with them (she supplied MANY dress-up items to my girls). I tried to talk my girls out of taking them but she (and they) insisted. So I gave in. As I was packing up to move to Texas, I almost threw those hats away, but there was just something in me that couldn't do it. As I was putting away the dress up stuff the other week, I pulled out those hats and felt so grateful that I hadn't thrown them out, because they remind me of her. I shed a tear or two as I gently placed them back in the dress-up bin and thanked my Heavenly Father for those old straw hats that will always remind me of my dear sweet friend. 3. She taught me about charity. Carolyn would often hear of things on the news or on commercials that she would call and tell me about, things that she thought I would be interested in. One day she called me and told me of a big consignment sell on the other side of town that had all sorts of children's clothing. I really did not need any clothing, or anything else for that matter, but she was so excited to tell me about it and I thought it would be fun to take her with me, so I told her that I'd love for her to go with me. So we did. It is one of my favorite memories with her. I have lived far away from all of my grandmas my whole life. But riding in the car with her that day and going shopping together, made me feel like I was with my grandma. I was loving every minute. She helped me sort through all sorts of clothes. Honestly, I thought she was going to pick stuff out for her own grandchildren but I soon realized that she was entirely there for me. She has such an eye for fashion and she found some BEAUTIFUL dresses for my girls that are still my very favorites. When I went to the cashier to check out, I knew that there was no way I could afford to buy all the items that I had picked up. I told her that I was going to sort through them and just choose my very favorites. But, she quickly turned to the cashier and told her to just add them all up so I could see the total. I told her there was no need for that and we went back and forth about it for some time (she is quite a stubborn little lady). Finally, I decided to just let her have her way but there was no way I was going to buy them all. After all the clothes were wrung up, she then told the cashier to also add in the double stroller that she knew I had my eye on at the front of the store. Again, I told the cashier that there was no need for that because I would not be buying it, but again, she insisted. Well, to make a long drawn out argument short, she ended up paying for $100 worth of the $130 total. I couldn't believe it. She was SO STUBBORN and she just kept insisting. The cashier just laughed and said, "dear, that's what grandmas are for." I then explained to her that she wasn't even my grandma. She was my friend. The entire way home, I tried to take Carolyn out for lunch and continue to thank her and tell her that she shouldn't have done that, but all she would do was smile. I felt so horrible as I drove home because I felt so badly about her spending so much money. But, I'm pretty sure that to her the money was not important. What was important was that on that rainy cold day, she had taught a young mother what it meant to have charity. You can't put a price or value to that kind of love. Every time I pull out that double stroller (almost every day), I think of her and smile. I think of how much it meant to me and then I think of how much it must have meant to her. 4. About a month before we moved, I got a new visiting teaching companion. At the time, her husband was not a member of the church. As she explained this on our visit, Carolyn got very serious and somber and she told her of her late husband who was also not a member of the church. She told my companion about the decision she had made to stop going to church because of how hard it was to go alone. She got very emotional as she told us that it was the biggest regret of her life. She then went on to bear testimony and express concern and love to my companion. It was such a sweet moment. Another time, I brought Alison with me to visit Carolyn. Again, she spent her time offering sympathy, concern, and love for her. Carolyn has a heart of gold and she has a very special gift and ability to offer comfort and love in the most incredible and touching way. I love Carolyn so very much. Just last week, I found out that her cancer has returned. She has been diagnosed with terminal cancer and her time is running very short. I don't think there is anyway that she could possibly know how much she means to me and my family. We all love her. We pray for her in every one of our prayers every single day. I will forever be grateful for her example and influence on me and my children. I don't think I will ever be able to get rid of those old straw hats. In my girls dress-up bin, they have many costumes. Most of them are princess costumes others are ballerina, cheerleader, or fairies. But, none of them are as beautiful on my girls as the ones that were given by my friend Carolyn, the woman who taught me how to love.

Hero Series: Post #3

It's funny how four years can pass, two more children are born, and life continually moves forward, and yet....there are still moments when it seems like it was just yesterday that I was saying goodbye to Clairisa. That moment hit me like a ton of bricks this morning. On Saturday, we celebrated Cory's 34th birthday. Since I didn't want to leave his side all day, I chose to not go to the Relief Society broadcast. He was totally supportive of me going, but I knew that I could listen to it online later and I knew that if the roles were reversed I definitely would not want to be left alone on my birthday. So on Monday morning, as I ran, I listened to almost all of the broadcast. It was perfect. I was running in the most beautiful weather on the most perfect day with monarch butterflies and leaves flying all around me on a trail that I LOVE to run on while listening to some of the most beautiful talks ever! `As I finished up my run, I paused the broadcast right before President Eyring's talk. I took the day off of running on Tuesday since I had done 10 miles on Monday, so I was very anxiously awaiting this morning's run so that I could finish listening. I had talked to my mother-in-law the previous day and she had kindof told me that his talk had mentioned a story that would remind me of Clairisa, but there are many talks that I listen to that will remind me of her so I didn't think that much of it. As the story began to be told and the similarities continued to unfold, my emotions started to overcome me. Before too long, I had stopped running and was on the side of the road sobbing. There was a high school boy waiting for the bus on the side of the road, whom I'm sure was wondering what the heck was going on with this crazy sobbing woman. But, I couldn't help it....my emotions were so fresh and raw and completely unexpected. I was crying because the pain washed over me once more and then because I felt hurt. Hurt that no one had warned me of the emotions that were sure to come as I listened (other than my mother in-law). After I somewhat gained control, I ran home to Cory and continued to cry in his arms. I am so glad that I didn't go to the broadcast on Saturday night because nobody around me would've known or understood why I was the crazy sobbing woman in the pew. I am so grateful for a husband who completely understands me, loves me, and supports me. Wrapped in his arms he said all the right things. All the things I need to hear and more. Years ago, when I was asking Cloey what Cory should be for Halloween, she said, "superman because he always saves the day". She was exactly right. He is not just my best friend, nor is he just my hero, he is and always will be my superhero.

Only in Texas...

There are so many statements that could follow that title, but in this case I am referring to the roadkill that I constantly see along the roads as I'm running. It's CRAZY!!! I have seen dead raccoons, possums, cats, dogs, turtles, frogs, skunks, snakes, and armadillos. I have ran in lots of different places. Texas definitely does not compete in the beautiful scenary category (although I have seen some beautiful sunrises), but it definitely wins in the interesting roadkill category. Which is one of the reasons why I choose to run in the morning. Who knows what I would trip on in the dark.

Love this girl!!!

Why I'm exhausted at the end of the day...

By the way, my daughter does wear clothes each day I promise). :)

Little Mommy

Whenever Hailey gets in trouble (which is way too much), she has to put her nose on the wall. Well the other day I walked into the room to find Hailey putting her baby doll's nose on the wall. When I asked her why her baby was in trouble, she said "pushing".

Hailey vs. broccoli

A couple of weeks ago, we had broccoli for dinner (not just broccoli...although I think a huge pile of steamed broccoli with cheese on top would be a delicious dinner). Anyways, Hailey was refusing to eat it. She wouldn't even let me put it near her mouth . So, I told her she had to stay in her chair until she ate it. After AN HOUR, I finally decided that all she had to eat was one little bite (at this point I was desperate but I was not caving). After TWO HOURS, I finally decided to force a little bit in her mouth and call it good. I'm pretty sure she would've slept there in her seat. She is such s stubborn and determined little thing. But, oh so cute!!

A Window to Heaven

Do you ever have those moments where you feel like you are having a glimpse into what heaven must be like? Last night I had one of those moments. It was 8 pm and the girls were getting their pajamas on and brushing their teeth while Cory and I were in the living room talking. Then Cory decided to play a song for me, which of course meant dance party in the living room. All the girls came running into the living room in their pajamas and with their freshly washed wet hair and started dancing. The music was turned up even louder, Cory was singing, and all four girls were dancing around the room. I was loving every second of it!!! As I watched my girls beautifully dancing around the room and listening to my husband's AMAZING heart-melting voice as he sang along to the song, I seriously felt so much joy. Joy for the family that I belong to, joy in good music filling my home, joy for bodies that are strong and healthy, joy for my girls that are not only happy but full of life, energy, and personality. Joy in motherhood and joy in being alive. Then as my mind went over my day, I felt even greater joy as I remembered the conversation that I had earlier with my mom. She had told me of an incredible experience she had the previous day in answer to a prayer that morning in which she had prayed for an opportunity that day to help the Lord in some way. (yes, my mom is an angel). I also remembered the sweet act of service that had been rendered to me by a friend. At 3 pm that afternoon, I heard a knock on the door. It was my good friend, Amanda with her three children. She had felt like she should come over and help me (yes, she's another angel). So for the next hour she helped me do dishes, clean my kitchen floor, start laundry, clean bedrooms, etc. I was SO GRATEFUL especially since she had no idea how miserable and sick I have been feeling this week (a cold or sinuses or something). Anyways, as I thought of all these things I felt so grateful, so joyful, and so very very blessed. I just don't know how heaven could get much better than that moment.

Hero Series: Post #2

There are many different reasons for somebody being a hero. Sometimes just one little experience or moment with a person can make them a hero just because of the profound impact their words will make on your life. Almost five years ago, I was serving as Young Women's president in Asheville, NC. I loved all of the girls in my ward, they each held, and continue to hold, a very special place in my heart...for many reasons. But, there is one specific experience that I had with one of my laurels, named Amanda, that has come to my mind over and over again throughout the years. The experience actually happened when I was taking her home from a stake YW activity (I swear that some of the BEST conversations I have ever had with YW have been in the car as I have driven them to and from activities). She was serving as the laurel president at the time and we were discussing her role as president and some specific things that she and I could do to show more love and concern for the other laurels. One of the young women we were discussing was a pretty recent convert. Not only was she still learning the gospel, but she, and her family, were also trying to adjust to a completely different lifestyle than the one they had previously led. Amanda had really connected with this young woman and had become really good friends with her. Although they ran around with completely different people at school, the love that Amanda was continually showing her was really making a difference in this young woman's life. She was beginning to make changes and she really looked to Amanda for guidance and support. But, this girl still struggled in many regards. Amanda was sharing with me some of the things that she had noticed and she told me that in many ways she couldn't really trust or believe the things that this girl would tell her, because a lot of the time she wasn't being very truthful. But then she said something that brought me to tears. Something that I will never ever forget. I can still imagine us in the car having this conversation and I still remember looking at Amanda and seeing the complete love in her eyes and feeling the sincerity in her heart as she said to me these words....."Sister Mann, I don't believe her but I do believe in her." The spirit was so strong and I was completely overcome with emotion. I couldn't believe that I was hearing and feeling the power of those words come out of a 17 year old girl. Although I don't regularly see or talk to Amanda anymore, I have continued to love and admire her as I have kept up with her on facebook. I doubt that she has any idea of the impact her words had on me, and still continues to have on me. Through her words, the spirit taught me a very profound lesson...to believe in people. Sometimes people do and say really stupid things, but we cannot lose hope for them. We must continue to believe in the good within. Of course people (sometimes even those we love the most) will disappoint us. Sometimes they may even make really bad choices and stop believing in who they really are. But, that doesn't mean we should stop believing in them. More than anything, they need us to continue to believe in them. People can change, or rather people can desire to change and then as they turn to Christ, he can change their very natures. My very favorite quote of all time is from President Benson. "The Lord works from the inside out. The world works from the outside in. The world would take people out of the slums. Christ takes the slums out of the people, and then they take themselves out of the slums. The world would mold men by changing their environment. Christ changes men, who then change their environment. The world would shape human behavior, but Christ can change human nature...Yes, Christ changes men, and changed men can change the world." Through Christ, people can change...the world can change. But first, we must believe.

Hero Series post #1

I think that one of the greatest lessons in life that I have learned is through my dear friend Alison. Her and her husband, Clair, came to stay with us a little over a month ago. We were SO EXCITED to see them both. When we were leaving Chattanooga, the last place I went before we drove out to Texas was the hospital, which was were Alison had been staying for the last month. When I went to say goodbye to my sweet friend who I had visit taught for almost the whole three years I lived there, I really thought it was going to be the last time I would see her in mortality. Since then, she has improved significantly and all though she is still going through chemo (for the fifth time, I believe, it actually may be more than that), has lost all of her hair, and is on tons of medication, walks with a cane, and still regularly has seizures because of where her tumor is located, she is still trying to be and do the very best she can. I have learned so many lessons from Alison through the years. Here are just a few... -Almost every single time I would go to visit teach her she would have some kind of sweet bread waiting for me to take home. -She ALWAYS talks so highly of others and she is always so grateful for the service others render to her. -She doesn't make excuses...and she could very easily. She is at church almost every single week, even though there have been quite a few weeks where she is so weak that she can hardly walk or when we'd have to make sure that there were two friends on either side of her chair just in case she had a seizure (which she did pretty frequently during Relief Society for a time). She is also a very dedicated visiting teacher and whatever calling she has she puts her whole heart into it. When I was Visiting Teaching Coordinator, she was one of the supervisors. She would faithfully call me each month with her report, even when she couldn't even remember exactly who she had or hadn't talked to (she had always called but her memory suffers greatly because of her tumor). -Whenever I would drive her around and take her places (she cannot drive herself because of her seizures and hasn't been able to for around 15 years), she would always make me feel so important and she was always willing and excited to help me in anyway that she could with my children. -She LOVES my girls. A couple of times I got letters in the mail from Alison with packs of stickers that she would send to Katelund and Cloey. She would always give them lots of love when she was with them and even crocheted them little purses. Whenever I talk to her on the phone, she always tells me to give hugs and kisses to my girls for her. -She is honest and real. Alison will tell you how she really feels, she is never insincere or dishonest. When she's having a bad day, she'll tell you. When she is struggling because her hair is falling out, she'll cry on your shoulder. When she feels lonely, upset, or discouraged she'll share her feelings and humbly accept advice and/or encouragement. I LOVE this about Alison. It is something that I really admire about her. If you make her upset, she'll tell you. She has no time or patience for fakeness. It is so hard to really love or be friends with someone whom you don't really know because they only put on a happy face for you. It is so much easier to love someone who really lets you know who they are and how they really feel. -She always sends me thank you cards (even for the smallest things). -When I went with her to pick out a wig, she was so strong. I just couldn't even imagine sitting in a chair and letting someone cut all my hair off. I know that it wasn't easy for her, but yet again, she was and is blessed with strength beyond her own. -She believes in me and makes me want to be a better person. She always tells me how creative I am (which I'm really not), or how well I do certain things, or how good of a mom I am (I really have her fooled). Although I don't feel like I deserve the compliments she gives me, they really do make me want to live up to them. One day she called me and asked me if she could come over so that I could give her a hair cut (her hair had started to grow back). I desperately tried to convince her that I was not a hair cutter but that I'd be more than happy to take her to a salon. But, she insisted that I do it. And when Alison has her mind set on something, it would take a miracle to talk her out of it. So I did. I prayed the entire time that the Lord would intervene and direct my hands with each cut I made. He did, and thankfully it turned out pretty good. -She would let me give her pedicures. There were times, as her friend and visiting teacher, that I felt like there was nothing I could do for her. So, I started giving her pedicures and foot rubs. It kindof became our thing. Everytime I would go to visit her in the hospital (for awhile she was in and out of the hospital very regularly) I would take her Red Vine licorice (we both LOVE licorice) and remind her to "put her trust in the true and living Vine" and then I'd rub her feet. Those foot rubs meant the world to me. As badly as I wanted to, I couldn't take her cancer away, I couldn't get her out of the hospital, I couldn't cure her, I couldn't take away her fear, pain, and uncertainty, but I could rub her feet....and I'm SO GRATEFUL she would always let me. -But of all things, the thing that I admire the most about her is her love and faith in her Heavenly Father. When they were here visiting, I was so honored to be with her and watch how Clair would lovingly help her up and down the stairs, in and out of the shower, up and down from a chair, etc. I was so grateful for their example of unconditional love and concern. Yes, I have seen some pretty in love newlyweds, but there is nothing that compares to the kind of love that I saw in a couple who have struggled and sacrificed so much together. That kind of love is rare and incredibly beautiful. Together as they walked hand in hand at the temple, I felt not only my own love for them grow, but also I felt the Lord's loving approval on a couple who has gone though some very very hard times but who has faith and hope in a day when Alison's body will be healed and perfected...a day when they can be free from the burden of disease and affliction. I know, and they know, that this short little time will one day seem but just a moment. One day, Alison will receive not only a perfected whole body, but also a crown of glory for the incredible and beautiful person that she is. Thank you Alison for being my hero.

Hero Series Intro.

Blah. That last post was so depressing, right? Well, tonight as I was doing the dishes (my most common time to receive revelation and inspiration) I had this great idea come into my head. I am going to start a whole hero series on my blog. First of all, it will help me to record and remember all the many people over the years, and currently, who have touched my life. Also, it will help me to be positive and think of others (instead of having a pity party for myself). Lastly, it will be a great way to blog more regularly because I am really excited to do this. Especially at a time like this when it is so close to elections and the slandering of other people is out of control (and absolutely ridiculous). Yes, I love Mitt Romney and I will be voting for him but I do not feel the need to absolutely trash the current president (even if I have seen the error of my ways when at one point I considered voting for him). Anyways, this is not about politics. This is about real people who are real life everyday heroes. Yay! I'm so excited. I'll start with my first hero tomorrow. I can't wait to tell you all about her.